Depression eats you away without knowing. Not everyone goes through the same thing but I can say that people suffering from this are crying out for help and you just don't know it. I am deciding to speak out about my depression now, because for many years I thought something was wrong with me, I thought that everything was my fault and I could never be happy. I was always taught to be strong and it's easy to put up a front, answering "I'm fine" to the simple question "how are you?" I've thought that people don't love me, people don't like me because there is something wrong with me and it's my fault. I keep to myself at times and don't open up to people just because I feel that I will end up hurt. I think that I can't hold a steady relationship, that I don't have a best friend, and that everyone turns their back on me because there is something wrong with me. Depression eats you away as you stop taking care of yourself, you stop eating or you eat too much unhealthy things, you bear the thought of opening your blinds because the darkness suits you, you don't smile because there is nothing to smile about but always try to keep a smile on your face as a way to divert the fact that you're suffering. It's true, the happiest people are always the ones suffering from something. Sometimes I think to myself, "why are you like this?" I beat myself down because I tell myself I am not good enough and I believe it. I instead, I wrap myself around the four walls of my dorm, napping away the thought of not being good enough, escaping the thought of a world out there because that world isn't made for me and at this very moment my mind has swerved into awful thoughts. I've heard of those people taking away their lives, I've seen how their friends post on social media how much they miss them and if only they had known what they were going through. At this point I'm evaluating my life thinking "no one will miss me because no one even bothers to ask how I am truly doing. No one, not even a 'best friend' bothers to take their time to actually pay attention to me and see how I'm not taking care of myself." At this point I feel alone and thoughts just keep roaming around everywhere with no stopping point. Then I wake up and go through the motions of everyday. I think about how stupid I was to let my mind go to those dark places but I know deep down I still feel that way so then I begin the same process all over again. But I stay quiet because no one will believe how I truly feel since I "hide" it so well. So I stay quiet and go about my day just trying to do better in school, knowing damn right I can't even get out of bed in the morning.
Depression is real, many people suffer from this and you don't even know it. We should love each other, look out for each other, and genuinely care for each other. Listen to these people because they're not asking for attention, they just really need someone to truly be there. Don't say you love them, don't say they're your best friend, don't say that you care for them, don't say you're glad they're your friends, and don't use them to gain something for yourself without even really acknowledging their friendship or what they do for you. Who knows, someone out there is suffering and is crying for help but you just don't know it.
