The most terrifying thing about Donald Trump isn't his blatant racism or misogyny, his disregard for facts, or his fueling of conspiracy theories. It isn't his super ego, his lack of experience, or even the coalition of racist organizations and people that have formed around him. The scariest thing about Donald Trump is how human he is. How relatable he is.
That's a scary thing to think if you despise his side as much as I do. That we might actually have something in common with our President-elect is not something to be said lightly. But, it's true. All of it.
It's easy to get carried away by the cries of adoration which resound to affirm your popularity, particularly if you were never that popular to begin with. I, who have spent my life thus far in the background, being exceptionally noteworthy for nothing and thus known, liked, or thought of by very few, can relate to this. I, who have struggled to get people to listen to my ideas and to follow me when I thought something was right. I, who often feel as if my words don't matter and very few people want to listen. When you're discouraged by low numbers of likes on photos and statuses, when you aren't part of what movies and popular culture talk about as the "popular clique," and when you feel like an outsider for most of your formative years, it's all too easy to look at what popularity and surging appeal Donald Trump has and think... I want that. If you give me his fame and you give me his followers, I can't guarantee to you that it wouldn't go to my head like it went to his. I cannot promise that I wouldn't love every second of attention from the media, from the American people, and from the world, be it positive or negative. Just that I am known and noteworthy would feel incredible.
It's even easier to identify with his supermassive ego. Growing up, I often compensated for low self esteem by projecting not just confidence, but overconfidence. By projecting an aura of absolute confidence, I hoped for it to become true. I hoped to feel good about myself. And I was often told that I was insufferably arrogant for it. Yet I was bullied for being short through my years years. People often overlooked me in sports and didn't consider me fit or athletic. Girls always used to talk about how they could never date a guy shorter than they are. Even to this day, I receive some disrespect for my height and more height jokes than I want, as if this one genetic thing about me that I cannot change is what defines me as a person. It's demoralizing. A huge part of why I started to work out was to overcome this. So, yes, I can identify with his ego. When I feel like people are trying to put me down, I reject it with all my notions of my superior athletic talent, my over inflated sense of intellectual capacity, and what I view as my superior achievements and level headedness.
That's why when people try to criticize me, sometimes it's hard to hear. Sometimes I love people arguing with me because it gives me the chance to humiliate them. Some days I can't stand when people disagree with me because I think of myself as better and them as lesser.
And I know better than this. I know to practice humility, and I have been trying since reaching college, desperately even, to really level out. But all the same, because I haven't always been who I am today, and I have been insufferably arrogant before, I can understand Donald Trump's ego and why it may have arisen. Maybe his reasons aren't even remotely the same as mine. Maybe it's because he was born to obscene wealth and is spoiled and used to getting what he wants. Even if that's true, I can identify with a false feeling of superiority and wanting everyone to submit.
And it goes beyond that, too. I understand his desire to project himself as the greatest at everything, the guy who can solve all problems. I understand why he'd rile up millions of people and tap into their rage just to inspire them. Why he tries to pretend he is the most successful despite all his failures. When people trod on you enough, you can't allow even a single failure to your name or it validates them. I understand why he'd want to be the bully.
It's because bullies feel good about themselves. That notion that people are bullies because of low self esteem is just a myth, and has long since been invalidated by researchers.
It's because it's easy to be a bully and hard to be a victim.
I hate feeling like people are trying to step on me. A lot of things trigger me to feel that way, so I understand wanting to lash out and hit back. I really, truly do.
And I know a lot of people reading this might be able to understand that as well.
It sucks when you feel powerless and it feels great to be in control. It feels amazing to be popular, loved, or in charge. It's blissful to be at the top, no matter how you got there. Everybody wants to be the King.
It's these kinds of feelings that often drive us to become aggressive with people. And to want to hurt others. Donald Trump once said that if given the chance, he would exact revenge on people who have been disloyal to him.
To be honest? I think I would too. And maybe so would a lot of you. There are people that I feel have wronged me, and others I feel have betrayed me. There are people who I would want to cause harm to if I could.
To me, that I can share in such ugly, despicable emotions is absolutely terrifying. I think part of what makes Donald Trump so symbolically powerful and so revered by so many Americans is his ability to tap into that. He is relatable. None of us want to be powerless. To many, Donald Trump represents them. He is an image of a huge part of America and what it is. He is iconic of a great deal of the instinctive human experience.
That's why I wrote this article. To discuss how I am Donald Trump. How we are Donald Trump.
But we don't have to be. It isn't necessary to let hate and anger rule our judgment. We can be powerful without being bullies, and we don't have to give in to aggression to avoid being powerless.
It's a harder path, though. It's much more difficult, which is why a lot of people don't choose it.
I'm trying to, but like I said. It's difficult. I hope that as I embrace it more I meet others struggling with this feeling. I hope that I can convince some people who are otherwise filled with hate to join me.
