To start off, I would like to say to my father that I am in no means trying to upset or bashing you. I know that I am taking a risk on writing this article. I would love to say these things in person, but sometimes writing it down is easier for me to express my feelings. I love you and would do anything for you, and I know you would do the same for my sisters and I. Here is what I have to say about your addiction, but too scared to tell you.
I am not the type of person to go around and chat about my personal life because I know this topic would somehow be brought up. I hate talking about it to people, especially my friends. A lot of them don't know that alcoholism is apart of my life. After reading this, hopefully they will understand why I am the way that I am. Why I wanted to go to their house rather than them coming over to mine. I am too embarrassed to talk about it to people who have no concept on what alcoholism is and how it can affect a family.
Alcoholism is a disease I have grown up with ever since I knew what alcohol was and what it can do to a person. This illness has taken a toll on my personal life, academics, and made me the person that I am today. My father is not an occasional drinker, he is having multiple drinks a day. Multiple meaning over five drinks. I don't kid about going through hell and back growing up in my family. It was tense and didn't feel warming like a "normal" household should.
I had a lot of hate towards my father for a very long time. I hated that he never came to my softball games, basketball games and school events. It sucks that he wasn't there cheering me on when I made a basket or got on base like my other teammate's parents. I hated that we had a beach house only four hours away, but he chose not to come along every year. I remember doing my homework in the dining room and hearing a new can open every twenty minutes while looking at my mom as she rolled her eyes every single night. I remember moving out because I didn't want to live with it anymore with my mom and little sister. I remember my parents divorcing because the alcohol always came first. I remember rushing to the hospital behind an ambulance because of alcohol. I remember visiting you at rehab with the family. I remember you relapsing just a few short months later.
There is no doubt in my mind that alcoholism has shaped me into the young adult I am today. I am stronger than I should be, my 14-year-old sister is stronger than she should be. Alcoholism is a serious disease that can change your world around.
