Watching someone you love suffer from Alzheimer’s is one of the most difficult things a family can face. Day by day, you see their memories slowly being taken away from them, fading away forever. Everything they once held dear begins to slip away, and there’s nothing you can do about it. They’re left empty, robbed of all that they once cherished. As someone who has witnessed the destruction of Alzheimer’s first hand, I know how hard it is to simply stand by and watch a family member suffer. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2008, and it’s been an uphill battle since then. It started with her forgetting trivial things, like what time she had to pick me and my brother up from school. Today, we’re lucky if she remembers who we are at all. My family and I have had to face this disease head on, and we’ve learned so much along the way.
You lose the best of that person.
Growing up, I always saw my grandma as strong. She loved having intelligent conversations with people, and she was one hell of a political debater. She always had something to say, knowledge to share, and advice to give, no matter what the topic was. She had the fullest heart of anyone I’ve ever known; she exuded love and kindness, and her beauty truly shined from within. But as she got older, and the disease began to take over, she lost interest in the things she always cared so much about. She became blunt and brutally honest, saying anything that came to her mind no matter how it made the rest of us feel. She doesn’t try to hurt anyone’s feelings or be insensitive, she just doesn’t know better anymore. We’ve lost the best of her, and we’ll never get her back.
Patience is a virtue that doesn’t come easy.
It isn’t difficult to get irritated with someone when they ask what day it is 5 times a minute. It’s against our nature to have so much patience with someone, but it’s a necessity we must have when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. You learn how to answer a question like it’s the first time you’ve been asked, even if it’s the 50th. You laugh at jokes you’ve heard a million times, and the answer is always “no” when asked, “Have I ever told you about the time when…”, even if the answer is really yes.
Bad days are inevitable.
There are days where my grandma is full of life. She gets out of bed ready to take on the day with a smile on her face. But then there are days where she refuses to get out of bed at all. She won’t eat, drink, shower, or really move at all. It’s during those days that the family suffers most. The only way to get through those long hours is to be steadfast in the hope that there are good days ahead.
They’re just as scared as you are.
Watching someone you love slowly fall apart is a scary thing. Sometimes, you just want to curl up in a ball, close your eyes, and pretend like this disease never infected your family. But it’s important to remember that the ones who are suffering are just as scared as you are, if not more. On special occasions where my whole family is together, I watch my grandma look around at everyone. I can see her wheels turning as her mind tries to process who is who. And when she can’t figure it out, she gets scared. She feels alone and confused, unaware that she’s surrounded by those who love her the most. Can you imagine staring at those around you and not recognizing a single soul? Any normal human being would be frightened and confused.
The hardest part about loving someone with Alzheimer’s is that you’ll never truly get to say goodbye. The woman who raised me, the one who always sent me to bed with a kiss, and woke me up with a smile, has been long gone for a while now. Her body may still be here, but the grandma I grew up loving is no longer with us. I never got to tell her how much she meant to me, and how her strength kept me so strong. I wish I could go back to a time where her memory wasn’t fleeting and thank her for all of the life lessons she’s given. But if Alzheimer’s has taught me anything, it’s that we never get time back. So tell your loved ones how you feel while you still can. Let them know how much you appreciate all they’ve ever done for you, and how you can’t imagine living without them. Life is short; don’t take the time that’s been given to you for granted.
