What It's Like To Be Persistently Nauseous

What It's Like To Be Persistently Nauseous

I'm so used to throwing up, it's sad.

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I'm envious of people who rarely throw-up. I've vomited so many times in my life it's impossible to count. And I've thrown up everything imaginable: from Chinese food, to plain spaghetti, to movie theater popcorn. I hated vomiting when I was younger. It would make me cry and I dreaded it. I remember throwing up my favorite fruit drink as a kid and not drinking it again for months. Now, getting sick is just a relief from stomach pain.

My first year of college, I threw up often, and not from drinking. Just any kind of normal food could trigger it. It got worse as the years went on. Junior year, in particular, I started skipping class pretty regularly because I would just get an upset stomach and wind up throwing up. It got to the point that my academic standing was in jeopardy. If I didn't meet the attendance requirements, I would not pass my classes. But the severe pain prevented me from being able to sit in class. I spent many hours laying on the cold tile of the bathroom floor in my apartment crying until I could empty my stomach contents and feel a bit better. That was the year I decided to see a doctor about what was going on.

I set up meetings with several professors and let them know I was missing class because of vomiting. I didn't have doctor notes for my sick days because there's no need to go to a doctor just because you're throwing up. Luckily, my professors worked out things with me and I was able to get through the year. Unfortunately, the doctor couldn't pinpoint what was causing my constant vomiting and nausea. I thought there could be a serious problem or perhaps a food allergy. She asked me to keep a food diary and log each time I threw up and to return after a month.

When I went back, it was very clear that there wasn't a specific food trigger. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and given a pill to take. It didn't really help, so I stopped taking it. Even though I used to hate throwing up, it's gotten to the point where it just makes me feel better. I've thrown up SO many different foods, it's hard to say which is the worst. Popcorn, salad, spaghetti, Doritos, hamburgers; they are all bad. I sometimes regret spending money on food because it'll just make me sick after, such as when my boyfriend and I ate at the Hard Rock Cafe in Orlando and I spent the rest of the night getting sick in our hotel. I've thrown up on myself twice while driving. I've gotten sick at home, but I have also been sick in restaurants, hotels, and other people's houses.

I intend to continue investigating what is wrong with my body. Lately, I haven't thrown up as much as I have in the past, but I still get frequent upset stomachs. I can usually tell I'm going to throw up now when I start feeling really hot and the stomachache is paired with a headache. Throwing up constantly has led me to be fearful and cautious about food. I even tried being vegetarian for two years to see if a different diet would help my digestion. My favorite foods are not food at all; I like protein smoothies the most because it's gentle on my stomach. My issues with nausea have interfered in the past with school. It's also just painful and uncomfortable. It may sound like I have an eating disorder, but I truly do not know why I have these constant issues, but I hope to understand one day.

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50 Things To Be Happy About

It's the little things in life.
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It is always easier to pick out the negatives in life. We tend to dwell on them and drown out the happy moments. I asked a friend to tell me something that made them happy. They sarcastically laughed at my question then thought about it for a minute. Nothing. But they could easily come up with things that made them unhappy. Then I read them my list, and they were smiling and laughing in agreement the whole time. There are so many more things to be happy and laugh about than we realize. After all- it's the little things in life that can mean the most! Here are 50 things that make me happy. What are your 50?

  1. The first warm day of the year
  2. Laughing so hard your abs ache
  3. Freshly washed sheets
  4. Looking through old pictures
  5. The smell of a coffee shop
  6. Eating cookie dough
  7. Reading a bible verse that perfectly fits your current situation
  8. Seeing someone open a gift you got them
  9. Eating birthday cake
  10. A shower after a long day
  11. Marking something off your to-do list
  12. Drinking ice cold water on a really hot day
  13. Dressing up for no reason
  14. Breakfast food
  15. Being able to lay in bed in the morning
  16. Finding something you love at the store
  17. And it’s on sale
  18. Cute elderly couples
  19. When a stranger compliments you
  20. Getting butterflies in your stomach
  21. Taking a nap
  22. Cooking something delicious
  23. Being lost for words
  24. Receiving a birthday card in the mail
  25. And there's money in it
  26. Finally cleaning your room
  27. Realizing how fortunate you are
  28. Waking up from a nightmare and realizing it wasn't real
  29. Fresh fruit
  30. Walking barefoot in the grass
  31. Singing along to a song in the car
  32. Sunrises
  33. Sunsets
  34. Freshly baked cookies with a glass of milk
  35. Summertime cookouts
  36. Feeling pretty
  37. Looking forward to something
  38. Lemonade
  39. Comfortable silences
  40. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you have more time to sleep
  41. Surviving another school year
  42. The cold side of the pillow
  43. The smell of popcorn
  44. Remembering something funny that happened
  45. Laughing to yourself about it
  46. Feeling weird about laughing to yourself
  47. Printed photographs
  48. Wearing a new outfit
  49. The sound of an ice cream truck
  50. Feeling confident
Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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It's Been Three And A Half Years Since My Last Seizure, But I Am Still Terrified To Live Normally

Hi. I'm the girl who has seizures.

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Hi. I'm the girl who has seizures.

That's probably a weird way to start an article, but a lot of the time that is what people see first. They see me as the one who has seizures. For a while, it was like it was my name. Sure, I had other identities, too. This one, however, stood out the most. I couldn't go a day without hearing the words- "Let's not have a seizure, ok." Or "Are you OK?" It truly sucked.

I didn't want to be the girl who was known for her seizures, but I was. I wanted people to see me first. Well, it has been almost three and a half years since my last seizure, and to put it simply- I'm terrified. I had my second seizure three years after my surgery. That's not necessarily what I'm terrified of, though.

I'm terrified of getting behind a wheel only to end up with a car turned over in the middle of the road. I'm terrified of hurting someone else because I got behind the wheel. I'm terrified of waking up in a hospital bed to be asked: "Do you know where you are?" Yes, I do. I'm very familiar with hospitals.

I'm terrified of being at concerts with strobe lights and blaring music. To the average person, that might sound dumb, but for me, it's a reality. I have to be so careful when it comes to flashing or bright lights. It can set a seizure off.

I'm terrified of insane time changes. For instance, I went into a 12-hour time difference, and while that's easy to deal with when it comes to switching your dosages, it's still scary.

I'm terrified of waking up one day to find out I had a seizure while I was sleeping, and now I'm completely confused by everything. That might not make sense, but you can't necessarily tell if you're having a seizure if you're sleeping. That is the scary part. Think about it. It is scary enough having a seizure while you are conscious, now imagine having one you don't even know happened. Scary, right?

Seizures are definitely terrifying, and the thought of having one at any time is even scarier. It's even scarier risking the life of someone else solely because you want to do something you are not supposed to. I want to drive, but due to my seizures - I shouldn't. I think about driving frequently, but it isn't worth the life of someone else.

I'm the girl who has seizures, and I'm terrified to do things because of it. I am constantly on edge about things even if I don't show it. I'm constantly hoping I don't have a seizure if I do this or that. I'm always on edge about previous events with my seizures. I think about them a lot. However, I'm thankful. Its been three and a half years since my last one. That's a big milestone.

I'm the girl who has seizures, but I'm not giving up.

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