Maybe you graduated college and received that degree in the mail, or maybe you had a circumstance where you went alumna from your sorority early. Whatever the reason, I’m here to testify that the bridge from sorority life to real, adult life is probably the toughest experience I’ve been through. After two years of sisterhood, serving on our Leadership Council in different positions, and attending any event I could, suddenly a life without a full calendar hit harder than my first night away from home my freshman year of college. Here are the lessons I’ve learned since I took that leap and went alumna from my sorority.
1. Maintaining friendships is ten times more difficult.
You used to see these girls every single week for mandatory meetings, rituals, and socials, but now you seem to only hear about their adventures through Facebook or Snapchat. It was so much easier to maintain friendships because you had to be at these events anyway, so you could talk in length to your sisters that you probably wouldn’t hang out with outside of all those mandatory gatherings. This transition is honestly a good reality check, because to lead a healthy lifestyle, you need to focus on fewer relationships and give those few relationships your time and energy. I don’t mean stop checking in every once in a while on that sister that you loved talking to, but you should really focus on the sisters that you know will be standing next to you in your wedding and by your side through every life event. Once you’ve picked those ladies, try to text them once a week to check-in – if they’re still active in the sorority, they haven’t forgotten about you, they’re just crazy busy! Give them time.
2. Networking and support is few and far between if you’re not in an alumna chapter.
If you didn’t join an alumna chapter straight out of college, it is definitely harder to make new friends and network, one of the main benefits and reasons we all buy into sorority life. Sure, you may run into a sister at a job interview, but how often does that experience happen without a support network of other sisters? Not only is networking hard as an alumna, but gaining a support system is harder, too. If you move to a city, state, or even country far away from any alumna chapter, you don’t have an easy way to build a support system for yourself in a new place. Look on your sorority HQ’s website and see if there is an alumna chapter near you, and if there is, join one! The dues are WAY less than when you were an active, and it’s a great way of meeting sisters in all different stages and walks of life that can offer you support, advice, and companionship. If there isn’t an alumna group near you, the next best thing is joining as many Facebook groups as you can – join a shirt swap page for your specific sorority where you can see and buy sorority apparel, join any groups of recent alumna, join groups that are for sorority women in general like Sorority Connection, or even make your own Facebook group and invite alumna you know to join! Building yourself a virtual support system will continue to remind you that you are loved every time you open your laptop!
3. You’re going to feel lonely.
This is the simple truth. This transition will leave you feeling alienated from the girls you’d talk to constantly. The best way to combat this loneliness is investing time in yourself. You’re a strong, independent young woman facing the terrifying fact that you’re now an adult. Know that while you may be facing this transition alone, you are not the only one who has made this leap. Just remember those alumna women who would come and speak to your chapter, who seemed to have their careers and lives and marriages all together: those women had to go through this exact same experience, and even if they had support of loved ones, it was through their own determination that they reached their goals. Focus on building the best version of yourself; work out, apply for a new job, sit down and watch that reality TV show your sisters always made fun of you for watching, get a new haircut. Be confident that these steps you’re making are the foundation for the rest of your life.
4. You gain some intense perspective.
Once you’re out of the crazy busy lifestyle of sorority life, you finally understand what all your alumna advisors were talking about: only focus on what really matters. Your whole chapter was in an uproar when your advisors considered cancelling formal because there was a certain percentage of dues unpaid, and now that you have distance from those situations, you realize your advisors were completely right. Finally you begin to understand that life is about priorities and focusing on the issues that actually have meaning and importance. You may even come to the realization that a lot of the things about sorority life that you cared so much about seem to hardly matter in the real world. When I say this, I don’t mean that none of sorority life was important, but when you become alumna you understand that all those petty disagreements, all those rules and bylaws and unspoken traditions, even all those sorority hierarchies and labels and families, they don’t matter as much as they once did. This type of perspective is actually very important, especially when you give advice to your sisters who are still waist deep in their active sorority lifestyle. You’re able to offer your sisters what your experience has now taught you: only invest your time, love, and energy into the things and people that truly matter.
5. You weren’t prepared for all the overwhelming positives.
All of that money for dues and for extra orders of fraternity shirts and sorority swag for your chapter is now building up as a savings in your bank account. All those rules saying you can’t do this or that – they no longer apply to you. Obviously, the respect and love you have for your sorority will remain long after you have become alumna and graduated college. But now, you can go to a party and not worry about going against recruitment regulations, you don’t have to make an insane amount of ‘points’ for your points system each month, and you can now date someone who isn’t Greek without exciting the disdain of your fraternity-loving sisters. Your calendar may not be full of strictly Greek events like it used to be, but now you can invest your time into all of those things you couldn’t do when you had mandatory meetings and events each week. You can work more hours and make more money, you can throw a get-together with your old childhood friends, and you can actually take a weekend to visit with your family without the guilt of missing something important with your sisters. You probably have way more sorority t-shirts than you will ever realistically wear, and now you can actually make a t-shirt quilt without feeling like you’re a terrible sister.
Suddenly life is extremely different than it ever was before, but all of those memories you made, you’ll remember for your entire lifetime. You’ve gained lifelong friends, unexpected networking with sisters, and a new perspective on life. Going alumna is probably the toughest thing you’ve had to do – but life is about to become so much better now that it is fully yours to live.
