I've finally had my first real taste of being an adult this past week. A year ago I had just graduated from high school and my biggest concern was how to decorate my college dorm room. Now suddenly I own my own car, pay my own insurance and check my bank account daily. Before I know it, I'll be done with school and it'll be me and my car against the world! It's scary to think about that in three short years, I officially won't be a kid anymore.

I know that i'm getting ahead of myself thinking about graduating college since I've only completed my first year, but I can't help but want to know what my future holds. As excited I am to be getting older with more responsibilities, I may even be more scared. I'm scared that I will completely fail at being an adult and will end up broke and sad right after college. This fear keeps me motivated. I've been working two jobs all summer and once I go back to school i'm going to make it my mission to also have one there. My goal is to enjoy every year that I have no matter if I have little in my bank or a million things to stress about.

I am constantly conflicted on whether I want to stay a kid for as long as I can or to already be graduated college with my life figured out. I just wish that there was a way that I could be a college graduate with stable a job I thoroughly enjoy, but also be able to get away with sleeping all day and binge watching my favorite shows all night.

Maybe I can be an adult and still enjoy my long naps and my favorite shows, but right now I feel like I'm growing up too fast for my liking. The future all seems so exciting, but thinking about it is holding me back from enjoying my last moments of being a kid. In a few short months I won't be a teenager anymore. That's scary to think about. I don't know how to not be a teenager. I know that 19 to 20 really isn't a huge deal, but to me it is. It means that I really am getting older and I can't escape it.