Why I'm Almost 20, But I Still Look 15

Why I'm Almost 20, But I Still Look 15

And why it hurts to hear about it.

Lately it seems like I'm always getting told, "Wow, you look so young!" People ask me my age, and when I say, "19," they comment something along the lines of, "Oh, I would have guessed, like, 15... but you'll be thankful for that someday."

People aways tell me I'll be thankful for these comments today. Sure, maybe when I'm 40 and still look 35, I'll feel good about myself, but there's a huge difference between that and looking 15 when you want to look 20. Those people who tell me I'll be thankful in the future don't realize how hurtful they can be in the present. I can think of a couple different reasons why I do look so young to other people.

One or more of my conditions probably stunted my growth, so I'm stuck at 5'2 1/4".

Every muscle in my body is swollen and inflamed, including the ones in my face. So that "cute baby angel face" is actually a lot of pain and muscle knots. So, yeah, it's a little bigger and rounder than it "should be." Honestly, all of me is.

I also barely have the energy to make myself look presentable, let alone perfectly put together. So, yeah, most days you won't see me wearing any makeup besides maybe some cc cream or powder. Most days my naturally curly hair is pulled back or down in some not-so-perfect style. Most often I dress for comfort and temperature regulation, not fashion. I wear compression socks instead of heels, extra layers instead of little black dresses. It's just how I have to function.

I know no one means harm by telling me I look young. I think what hurts is realizing that what they're saying is true, but there's not a lot I can do about it. And I think what hurts the most is knowing how much I want to be twenty and how much my illness is keeping that from me. I couldn't handle going away to college. I can't drive, because I have seizures. I can't work, because I'm too sick. I can't even eat whatever the heck I want, and some days, I can't even eat at all. Even if my maturity is higher than a twenty-something (or so I'm told it is), my body is stuck in this young and somewhat helpless state. There's not much I can do about it, and I cannot tell you how hard that is. So, maybe please stop telling me to be appreciative of comments that remind me of this painful reality I'm stuck in.

Cover Image Credit: Danka & Peter Photography

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Dreading This Day All About Love

Valentines day blues


I have never enjoyed Valentine's Day.

Even if when I was in a relationship it was just an awkward day of "hey I love you, give me gifts and lets make out." But this year, I am just not feeling this thing at all. Since the relationship ended last June I have just been dreading the time when February came, because you know that on the 14th you are going to see all these love post and all us singles are like "welp this is just not my day.", and honestly you feel defeated. I personally asked other singles friends (like the three I have) if they wanted to come and watch Netflix with me and dread the day, but sadly they either had school or work. So here is my plan of getting though this day of love:


Yes Netflix how else am I supposed to get through this day? Usually I have Greys Anatomy playing all the time but that has love in it, and I am not in the mood for that. My plan is to watch all the crime shows I can because watching TV crime series or documentary about serial killers just seems perfect for the 14th.



Yes sleeping. I don't have anywhere I need to be why not catch up on some zzz's


Yes I am going to eat my feelings with chocolate because why not? if I could I would get a giant slice of cake and live off that on the 14th but sadly I am stuck with the normal Heresy's chocolate and Reeses which will do their job.


me :)

This is my wonderful cat Kimber and she will be my partner in crime on the 14th. She will sleep, snuggle, cuddle, all day with me because I need that moral support of my fluffy cat.



If I am able to fit reading a book into my schedule of everything listed above then reading will go into that open spot. I always loved reading but with school it is hard to find the time to read for enjoyment. so this day will be the perfect day.

This is my plan for the 14th of February and hopefully this will help me get though this dreadful day. And if you are also single try this out :)

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