In high school, I thought I had everything figured out. I thought I knew exactly who I was, what I wanted in life and who I was going to become. I was the shy, quiet girl who prefered to stay in the background rather than step into the spotlight. I was fascinated by the idea of the sterotypical adult life: college degree, nice home, husband and kids and a couple dogs. I always felt like I would be just like every person in my family. I never thought I would believe any different. I was a lost little girl trying to navigate this crazy thing called life, trying to find what I wanted for myself and not what others wanted for me.
As I come to the end of my freshman year of college, I look back and realize that I'm not the same girl that I was when I first arrived at Campbell last August. I had to let go of who I once was to let who I am now be free. I had to lose a part of who I was to find who I'm truly meant to become. I'm not that shy little girl anymore, my goals and aspirations for my life have changed and my thoughts and beliefs have changed as well.
Throughout middle and high school, I was known as the quiet smart girl. I made good grades and tended to keep to myself, only talking to my friends and those that I felt comfortable with. I always assumed that I would be this way forever, but how wrong I was. Once I arrived at Campbell, I began to open up to people, talking to those I normally wouldn't. I began to become interested in doing more social things and looking to different clubs and considering which sorority I would rush sophomore year. My group of friends also helped me to become more open to people. I am no longer a shy girl who is afraid of the thought of presenting in class, of talking to other people and group work. I now embrace these and take the challenge head on.
Letting go of things you once wanted for yourself is not an easy task. I'm not saying that it is the easiest thing for you to do, but if they're no longer what you want, then it's time to lose them. Letting go of what I once wanted in life was hard for me to do because in a way, it is still something that I want in life. I still want to be married and have what I consider a good life, but they are no longer my top priority. My top priority is completing nursing school and passing my boards. Marriage and a family are still something I want, but first I want to make myself happy.
My thoughts and beliefs have also changed since starting college. Growing up, I tended to believe what my family did about certain issues. After I came to Campbell, I was presented with information that changed my entire outlook on my so called beliefs. While not all my beliefs have changed, my stance on same-sex marriage, abortion and the idea of gender roles have drastically changed from what they were when I first came to Campbell.
It's okay to know who you are coming into college, but it's also okay to be lost like I was. I'm still finding out what I want in life and I probably will be finding myself years from now. Sometimes you have to lose who you thought you were to find who you're supposed to be.
