I read the book when it was first released because Jenny Han has been my A1 since Day1 back in sixth grade. Okay, sorry. I needed to say that.

Lara Jean's innocence used to match my own. Her spunk, ditziness, overthinking nature, her tendency to romanticize and daydream - that used to be me.

Then life happened and I grew from my young self. I found that as beautiful and thrilling love can be, it can be debilitating in its opposing form.

When the book version came out, I was still hung up on a guy that I've had a crush on since middle school. After reading Lara Jean's ritual of writing her most intense feelings about the boys she loved, I tried it.

It worked... but I wrote countless letters for and about one person. It's embarrassing but I don't regret it.

I still write those letters even today, in all honesty. Then the movie came out on Netflix.

BANDWAGONS AND FANDOMS GALORE! Yuck...

Anyway, when the movie was released, so were my old feelings for a certain someone. Every intense feeling, memory, and shared history between us emerged once again.

I'd like to think I was strong, but I gave into those old feelings and quite honestly - I got hurt once again and that is okay.

I'm 19 and learning about myself through different experiences; that includes heartbreak. However, I admire Lara Jean.

She's my connection to a former version of myself that I am proud to have lived. I think about my former selves at different points in my "young" life (despite how old I feel at times). I appreciate Lara Jean for reminding me of such an innocent period in my life.

The reality is... my younger self has changed into a woman that I am trying to figure out and protect.