it was like one day everything had changed.

I was 16, in high school just trying to find the right path, or any path that would lead me to happiness. I definitely was not one of the popular girls in school, but I had my good friends and that was all that mattered to me. I got my first job and I didn't think it would lead me to boys, but it did. At that point I didn't know what I was doing. I thought this boy was really cute but I came to find out he was actually dating one of the other girls that worked there, who I actually knew before working there. I had no chance.

I finally got to have a conversation with him one day while we were working side-by-side. I felt an instant connection. I felt like he understood me and that he didn't judge me on what I had opened up to him about. He was heading out of work and I gave him my number so we could finish talking. I told him as long as his girlfriend didn't mind. He informed me that they had broken up. I can't say I was sorry for the kid.

We continued to text every day as well as seeing each other at work. We would hang out together on our breaks or wait for one another to get off, if we were getting off around the same time. I loved texting him, he was so different from any other guy I had ever talked to. He was interesting and opened up to me about a lot of things in his life, and it made me feel good. We sent pictures back and fourth while he was away for the weekend with his family. He made me smile like I've never smiled before.

We hung out shortly after that, he invited me over his house, we watched a movie and just hung out. We eventually started dating and I will admit I was the happiest I ever was. He was all I was looking for in a guy. I was in love.

Things were great for a long time. We got to know each others families and friends and they welcomed both of us into their lives. It's really important to me that my family and friends "approve" of who I am dating because of the obvious fact that they would be around them a lot. I always made sure I got along with everyone in my boyfriend's life.

Things started to bother me after a few months. He never wanted to go anywhere, he barley came to my house at this point. He became a homebody. I wasn't used to that. He came up with more and more excuses to stay home or in the house as time went on. I would try to make plans, like going out to Montauk for a day trip in the summer or as easy as going to the beach. He always slept late and it never happened.

I was let down a lot.

Superstorm Sandy had hit his house that later October, and it completely destroyed him and his family. They had to live with other people for a few weeks, he stayed with me for one of them and eventually they moved into a 2-bedroom apartment for a few months until their house was fixed.

He began to start drinking more often. I didn't really think anything of it at first. As time went on, even when they moved back into their house, I noticed his drinking got heavier. This went on for about a year. He would start fights with me for no reason, and it was because he was drunk.

New Years Eve came around and his parents were having a party, we stayed for a little and then went to a friends house for the ball drop. I didn't realize how much he had drank while we were there. I thought I was watching him but he knew what he was doing, he was sneaky. I dropped him off at home and went home to sleep.

My phone woke me up around 4am from him calling me. He had said something about coming to pick him up because, "they were coming to get him". I didn't know what he was talking about, but naturally I got out of bed and went to pick him up where he said he would be. At the beach down the block from his house. I got there and he came jumping out of the bushes as if he was hiding from someone. He got in my car and started hysterically crying. I asked him repeatedly what had happen. He said he got into a fight with his family, and they called the cops on him. He agreed to go back to the house with me I told him I wouldn't leave him and that I would go home with him. So I did just that.

When we got to the house, I told him to go lay down and I would be right there. I told him, "you don't have to talk to anyone or say anything just go right to your room", so he did. His mom and dad explained what happen to me and we agreed that we obviously have a huge problem on our hands. Today, I don't remember what exactly had happened but it was all because he was drunk.

He was an angry drunk and I was afraid to admit it.

At this point we had been off and on with our relationship because of his drinking, and we were always fighting. A month before he turned 21, we weren't offically a couple at the moment, but I never wanted to give up on him. He was the love of my life, drinking problem or not. I agreed to go sleepover his house and spend time with him that night.

I got there and he was drunk.

You could tell by the way he was talking, things he was doing and saying, and I was mad. I told him I didn't feel good and I was going to go home instead of sleeping over. He was upset, but he understood. He went out that night and I woke up to a text saying he needed to talk to me.

He got arrested that night for drinking and driving, and had spent the night in jail.

I was devastated. I had no choice but to give him a taste of tough love. I didn't know what to do. I was mad, hurt and disappointed.

After this he finally agreed to get help. He started going to group meetings, his license got taken away and he got a conditional license to drive to work. He was also forced to get a breathalyzer installed in his car for a year. I helped him with everything, I can't remember if we were together through all of this but like I said before, I wasn't leaving. I wanted to help. I loved him. He knew it was ruining our relationship. He tried harder with me, knowing I was only trying to help him. He went out to dinner with me and my friends, and tried to go back to who he used to be. We went and did fun fall festivities. We did things together again.

Except, he was no longer the person he used to be. He was now this new person.

His brother was a drug addict when I first met them. You would think that knowing first hand having to deal with someone like that, how hard it was on him and his family. His brother recovered because he wanted to help himself. He knew he needed help. And he did it. Why would you put your family through this again? He became someone he was afraid of becoming. He said he would never be that person. But, he was.

A little while after his brother, his father and I had come to realize that he had been hiding the drinking from us when he was supposed to be getting help. He also was smoking 'fake' marijuana. Since he was being drug tested at his group meetings, the synthetic marijuana wouldn't show up in his drug test. They thought he was doing fine. Little did they know. One night we were about to eat dinner with his family so we sat at the table and he started falling asleep, I looked at him and said, "babe are you okay?". He immediately responded that he was fine. He got up and went in his room and locked the door behind him. I told his mom right away and we went and made him open it, he started pushing me into his room angrily saying he needed to talk to me.

It was a bad scene.

I was done after that. I had to give up. We still talked, but I knew I could never get back with him. Sometimes I would agree to go there and see him or sleepover. I was torn for months. I tried to date other people while he tried to date other people, but I was still in love with the boy he was when I first dated him.

Eventually it worked, I met someone and was willing to give everything that I had with him up. He texted me one night admitting he was drunk so I called his parents. He was home alone and they didn't seem to care much. As far as I know to this day he still drinks a lot, and never wants to leave the house.

That relationship destroyed me. I always tried to pick up the broken pieces. I wanted to help him get better. I wanted to make him better. I couldn't give up, but I had to. I didn't want to, but I had to. I ruined myself trying to fix him. To learn later that there is no helping an alcoholic especially if they don't want to help themselves.