Religion isn't an easy topic, in fact, it's scarily difficult to speak about, confront, or work around because for some people it plays a huge role in their lives. Being someone who is agnostic or an atheist and having to live in an environment that is very religious can be uncomfortable and suffocating. You feel as if you're being judged at every turn and that you aren't allowed to express who you are and how you feel.
I am experiencing that feeling first hand in my current dorm hall. Now don't mistake me, I love my roommate, my neighbors, and my Resident Assistants. They're all phenomenal people who have brought a lot more color and diversity into my life in the past four months. Nevertheless, almost all of them are religious in varying degrees and that has left me in a slightly awkward position. I am firmly agnostic by choice. Against the will of my family and many of my friends, I made the decision in 2014 when my grandfather died that I cannot and will not believe in a God who could allow such terrible things to happen all across the world.
This doesn't immediately mean that I condemn anyone who does believe in God, it's actually the opposite. I could care less if you worship God, Allah, Buddha, or a sparkly unicorn as long as you're a decent human being who is kind and respectful we have no issue. The problem that typically arises I've found is that once my friends or acquaintances realize that I don't follow their faith they immediately judge me or assume I'm a bad person. This often leads to awkward conversations, confrontations and sometimes even fighting and a breaking of that friendship, and that's possibly the saddest thing that can happen to a person. To lose someone you care about over a difference of beliefs is devastating. You feel like if a friend cannot accept you for who you are, how can anyone else?
Upon first coming to college, I was optimistic. I had a lot of hope that there would be more people like me and I wouldn't have to hide my religious beliefs from everyone for fear of being shunned. So far, I have been pleasantly surprised. People here are kind, accepting and possibly the nicest people on Earth. I've also had less than perfect experiences. Like when my roommate found out, she was a little wary of me and things can be a little awkward. Or there are times where my hall mates will be having a theological discussion and look at me as if I don't quite belong, and honestly, I probably don't. There are also times in classes, or down time where I'll be with friends and the conversation will turn religious. I find myself in an uncomfortable situation because I'm not one to upset others or make them feel uncomfortable.
In short, I have found that being open about my beliefs can be difficult, uncomfortable and very stressful no matter where I am. Home, school, surrounded by friends; it doesn't matter. Either way, I have to find the strength within myself to stand true to my own beliefs and perservere being an agnostic individual surrounded by Christians.
