Agamemnon Tells Steve Bannon to Take It Down A Notch

With Stephen Bannon's appointment to Trump's National Security Council (and the demotion of two qualified generals), along with the administration's draconian anti-liberal measures, many around the world are wondering if Steve Bannon's scorched-earth brand of conservative retribution has gone too far. Among them is none other than Agamemnon, Mycenean warlord, son of Atreus, Terror of the Aegean, Conqueror of Troy, and Best of the Achaeans.

"I fully support enacting vengeance on one's rivals," said the godlike ruler, the sun glinting on his helmet like a sun-gold flame girding a comet when it rivals the chariot of Apollo for its brightness in the morning sky. "But this seems a bit excessive.

"You should want to humiliate your foes, as that cements your power and reminds them of your place, which is beneath your heel," the sublime king, the grace of poets, went on. "But to attack a federal judge and question the legitimacy of the very laws that bind your country? Sorry to be crass, but that's just goddamn ridiculous."

The attack in question is centered around Trump (possibly at Bannon's prompting) using his Twitter account to direct rage at James Robart, the federal judge who ordered a stay on Trump's potentially unconstitutional ban on immigrants from Muslim countries.

Steve Bannon is seen by many as the root of the Trump administration's virulent anti-Muslim rhetoric. Bannon fanned flames of xenophobia during his tenure at Breitbart, an "alt-right" website that promotes conspiracy theories and courts white nationalist agendas.

"Well, I can relate to wanting to completely crush a race of warmongering adulterers to the point of no resistance," put in Agamemnon. "It's....wait, Bannon objected to his children going to a certain school in L.A. because he didn't want them in a classroom side by side with Jews? He what? I'm sorry—what the—what the actual fuck is wrong with him?"

"And if Bannon is telling Trump not to listen to trusted, non-partisan advisers?" said Agamemnon. "Indeed, a king's best councilor is his own august soul, but there's a point at which you have to listen to your staff. Even if they're telling you things like 'You should really apologize to Achilles,' or 'We really need Achilles,' or 'Grow a pair and give Briseis back to Achilles,' or 'You shouldn't give a proclamation to the army calling Achilles a "teat-sucking man whore buttface,"' things like that."

A recent story outlines that Trump allegedly controls what his staffers wear, pressuring women to "dress like women" by wearing dresses and pressuring men to buy expensive Armani ties. Apparently these rules are not applied to Steve Bannon, who has a habit of looking disheveled.

"You're pathetic," added Agamemnon, whose throne is draped in the skin of a Nubian leopard, its glass eyes gleaming soullessly at the vaulted heavens.

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