A few years ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I've never actually told anyone the depths that I went through, but, for lack of a better phrase, it was awful. I was constantly told that I wasn't worthy of him, that I was a "piece of shit," that I would never measure up to what he wanted, and that I was a "f*cking bitch."

For the longest time, I thought I was the problem. It took me three years of emotional torment to figure out that I wasn't the issue. He was, but he also broke me. (He also shoved me into walls, into the floor, and threw things at me, but that's off topic.)

I've always struggled in the self-confidence department, but I guess he figured that out and is why he thought it would be so easy to control me.

I have never felt so degraded and small as I did when I was with him. I know, I stayed. Why? I honestly have no idea. I think after being told that I would never find anyone to "put up with me" so many times on an almost daily basis, I just started to believe it. I wasn't worthy of love, according to him. He literally destroyed every amount of self-esteem I have ever had.

If he felt this way about me, then why would he stay with me? Was he cheating? Was he supplementing his big ego for other things that weren't so big? Why me? I still don't know the answers to those questions, and I probably never will. But that's ok.

Fast-forwarding to today, I'm in an amazing relationship with someone who constantly tells me I'm beautiful and never makes me feel unloved or unworthy. He has worked so hard to help me realize that he actually loves me and that he would never speak to me the way I once was spoken to, yet sometimes I am just drawn back into that cycle because of the smallest things.

My boyfriend and I moved into an apartment in the city, and I was just doing my homework (because grad school is hard!). A man was walking his dog while on the phone with, what I'm assuming to be, his girlfriend. He was yelling to the point of me being able to hear every word he said even though he was outside. He was saying, "You f*cking bitch," "Just wait until I get in there," "You better hope that dinner is ready too." These are the same exact things that I heard, and it took me right back into that dark place.

Fortunately for me, I'm out of that place. Sure, I think about it sometimes and how I'm so grateful for where I am now, but I'm not physically in that environment anymore. I feel for that woman he was on the phone with. I used to be her. I pray for her and for women like her who don't have the courage or self-confidence to stand up for themselves.

My abuser, like all the others that put women through torment like this, is just too demented to experience love for what it is supposed to be. It almost makes me feel sorry for him because he puts on such an amazing front. According to him, he is the absolute best father, the best friend, and an amazing Christian. It was also my fault that our relationship ended (go figure). But it's all for show. I do feel bad that he'll never experience something so genuine as love, but I also hope he gets what he deserves.

Every time I watch a movie, hear someone talking, or read something about abusive relationships, I go right back into panic mode. I automatically think I'm not good enough, and that I will never amount to anything. I literally have to stop and remember that I'm not in that place anymore. I am good enough. I was always good enough.

And so is every other woman out there who has to deal with a man treating her like total garbage just because he can. Get out. One day you'll be able to look back on that relationship as a reminder to never settle for anyone who treats you like anything less than amazing.