I'm Afraid Of The Real World And I'm Not Afraid To Admit It

I'm Afraid Of The Real World And I'm Not Afraid To Admit It

Does post-grad life come with a 3-month free trial?
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If we're being totally honest, I still don't see myself as much of an adult.

I'm only 19, I still live in a dorm at Villanova University where I pay for a meal plan, and I'm first and foremost a student. Legally, I have to sign my own papers and I'm allowed to vote, but other than that, my "adulting" responsibilities don't stretch very far.

And thank God.

I am terrified of entering this so-called "real world" where I have to pay my own bills and find a job and not go broke and cook all my own food. If "High School Musical" lied to me about what high school is truly like, what's stopping any other movie or TV show from lying to me about how big of an apartment I can afford with a crappy salary?

What if I end up in a job that's completely wrong for me and I never can escape? What if everything I studied in school doesn't even remotely prepare me for what I want my career to be? Are your first years out of college just like your freshman year of college?

You know, where you take all of the core classes before you can start really getting into it. How long am I going to have to wait before I start doing the things that make me happy?

Does post-grad life come with a 3-month free trial? Is there a discount code for rent in New York City?

This realization is really coming as all my friends begin to turn 20. 20?! That seems far too old. Once you're 20, you're a real person. No more messing up and blaming it on the fact that you're a stupid teenager and that you're learning. No, I am not ready for my twenties. I'm a college sophomore but I feel like I just graduated high school yesterday.

I'm avoiding the real world at all costs, and I'm not afraid to go to grad school to do it. My bank account, however, is terrified. I'm gonna stick to being a student for as long as I possibly can. I want to keep learning before I dive in head first. I can try to act like an adult, but I feel like everyone around me sees right through the facade.

At this point in my college career, I can barely imagine myself as an intern, let alone a working professional. I feel like I'm a toddler trying to fit into big kid shoes, and I'm not hiding it well. I'm scared of the real world and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Cover Image Credit: Fabrizio Verrecchia on Pexels

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10 Shows Netflix Should Have Acquired INSTEAD of Re-newing 'Friends' For $100 Million

Could $100 Million BE anymore of an overspend?

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Netflix broke everyone's heart and then stitched them back together within a matter of 12 hours the other day.

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Contemplating Regret

A personal thought on love and regret.

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BASED ON SONNET 116 BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

LET ME NOT TO THE MARRIAGE OF TRUE MINDS
ADMIT IMPEDIMENTS. LOVE IS NOT LOVE
WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATION FINDS,
OR BENDS WITH THE REMOVER TO REMOVE:
O NO; IT IS AN EVER-FIXED MARK.

THE THOUGHT OF YOU AND THE THOUGHT OF US BURNS THE HEAVY DARKNESS OF MY EYELIDS LIKE THE COOL STREAMS OF VODKA THAT SLIDE DOWN MY THROAT. WE WERE IT, YOU WERE IT FOR ME. WE WERE THE KIND OF LOVE, THE TRUE AND UNTAINTED LOVE.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT.

YOU LEFT A TATTOO ON THE SINEWS OF MY HEART AND BRANDED YOUR TOUCH INTO THE SOFT SKIN OF MY HIPS. I CLOSE MY EYES AGAIN AND ALL I CAN SEE IS YOU, ALWAYS YOU. I'M NOT SURE IF I'LL RECOVER.

OR IF THE RADIANCE OF YOUR SMILE WILL EVER FADE FROM THE STARS.

OR IF THE SOUND OF YOUR LAUGH WILL EVER DISAPPEAR FROM THE FOUR WHITE WALLS OF THIS COLD AND EMPTY ROOM.

BUT HERE'S TO US, THE BROKEN COUPLE WHO COULD NEVER FIND OUR FOOTING IN THE WORLD.

I RAISE A TOAST IN A FRACTURED GLASS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH A STINGING BITE OF REGRET AND DISAPPOINTMENT. THE SHARP SHARDS CUT MY TONGUE, AND A CRIMSON TIDE BLOCKS THE WORDS I NEVER KNEW HOW TO SAY.

TONIGHT I'LL LOSE YOU AGAIN TO A SEA OF LIGHTS THAT SHINE ALMOST AS BRIGHT AS THE STARS WE USED TO COUNT. THE SAME EXACT STARS THAT YOU SAID WOULD NEVER OUTSHINE MY EYES.

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