I have a friend who always needs someone to help her. She's a mess and her whole life is a messy web that she can't get over. It’s become something negative she has latched onto and can't break free. However, in turn, it has made her a really negative person. She isn't fun to be around and she finds fault in everything around her. For the longest time I have listened to her complain and criticize everyone around her because his or her problems weren't as "bad" as hers. I sympathized with her and wanted to be there for her. I understood that she was going through a bad time and that happens to everyone.
After a while, it started to affect me. I noticed that no matter how many times I was there for her, she was never there for me. I made it a point to not just listen to what she had to say, but also give her advice on what to do about her problems. I took her places when she was feeling sad and I spent the night with her many times so that she wasn't alone. Rain or shine, when she texted me, I was there. She just couldn't do the same for me.
Some of my other friends, who also know her, pointed out how toxic the relationship was to me. They had noticed how negative she was, too. I realized that it wasn't healthy for me to put myself in that situation. I couldn't keep putting myself in a bad situation just because I wanted to be a good friend. I knew I had to put a stop to the friendship.
A week passed and I thought I could do it, but then I got a text from the girl. I went right back into the toxic friendship with hopes that it would be different. But of course, it wasn't. I knew I had to put an end to it, but I couldn't. Why not? I wondered to myself why it was such a hard thing for me to do. I tried, but I kept falling short. Finally, I knew the reason I couldn't do it.
I was afraid of losing a friend. It didn't matter if she was a good friend or a bad friend. If I put an end to the friendship then I would have one less friend. I felt like I had invested so much time into that friendship. I worked hard to get that friend and I didn't want to lose her. Yet, she wasn't really my friend. So by losing her, I wasn't losing a friend but someone who took more than they gave. A friendship takes two people not just one. This is true for any relationship; it doesn't have to be just a friendship. My friendship with her consisted of just me and she wasn't pulling her own. It wasn't fair to myself to consider her a friend. When I realized that, it was easy to end it.
