Dear Toxic Person,
For whatever reason, you are a part of my life. I don't necessarily regret letting you in for all the good you've done for me, but now things have changed.
I'm not sure why I keep letting you get away with it. Some people would write it off as "daddy issues," or self-esteem, but it's more than that; it's always more than that. There is something inside of me that cares for you deeply. I want you to change because I know you could be worth it. I just keep hoping that you'll wake up one day and want to treat me better. You'll realize how much I care about you. One day it will occur to you that while you've been messing around, I've been here, unwavering. But you never realize.
It's not that you were never there for me. You were in the beginning, but then it just became so easy for you to take me for granted. You realized that even if you stopped trying, I never would. You realized I would overcompensate for you. Our relationship slowly went from 50-50 to 60-40 to 75-25 until it felt like 100-0. I just kept picking up all the extra slack and you were not shy about letting me.
You don't see how much you truly use me. I am a resource to you. You don't even think about it. Like the water that sustains you or the air you breathe. You don't think about it anymore because it's so obviously there. You're so lucky to not have to worry about it leaving. Good ole dependable me.
I can't keep doing it anymore. I won't keep doing it anymore. If you want to treat me badly, that's your problem. You'll have to answer to yourself when you wonder where I've gone. But I'm done letting it in, letting it get to me.
You'll feel like you're in a desert. All of a sudden the water will be gone and you might not even realize it's the reason you are starting to feel weaker, crumbling with nothing left to support you. But by the time you realize you need me, it might be too late. You may have to learn how to sustain yourself in the desert, without me, the thing you've been so subconsciously depending on.
I don't regret being your friend. It wasn't a mistake. I learned so much from you, had fun with you, even loved you. What I regret- the real mistake- was allowing you to take advantage of me and my kindness and my loyalty. The learning, the fun, even the love- it's all long passed. All that's left is a lingering feeling.
You may not have understood you were doing it. I made it too easy. But that doesn't mean it isn't your fault. It is. Part of your responsibility as my friend was to look out for me. It's in the bylines of friendship "thou shall not treat their friend like s**t," but you shattered that rule.
So here's my letter to you, toxic person. I've finally woken up and seen the truth. You're not a part of my oasis anymore- no. You've drained me and I'm leaving you in the desert, alone. I'm done giving you all of me and leaving myself gasping for air.
Sorry, Bud, but your time abusing my kindness is done.
A human who is done with you.