I don't know if it's my motherly instincts as a woman or just my personality, but ever since I was twelve I've been planning my future children's lives. It started with their names- first child being Eleanor Logan, if she's a girl, or Grey Wilson, if he's a boy, and no, my husband doesn't have a say in that (kidding, kinda).

As youngsters ourselves, girls my age don't often think past the baby days (meaning names, cribs, daycares, first sports, etc.). It all sounds solely exciting (as long as it's in the very distant future) until you remember that after you give birth, that child becomes a toddler, who then becomes a kid, who then becomes *shudders* a teenager and keeps growing until their a fully functioning adult. And guess what? You're their parent, through all of that and forever. Until the very end.

So, to my future child, who I cannot wait to raise, who I am terrified to raise, who I will stick by until the day I die, here's some things I hope to teach you.

1. "No" means no, always. Without exceptions.

I put this first because it can apply to a baby's first years. "No" means no when I tell you not to touch that power outlet or those scissors because you'll probably die if you do and I did not push you out of my body to watch you die, thank you very much. I also love you and don't want you to die, just to be clear. But, as you grow older, remember that no still means no. No means no when you're with a sexual partner, always. Whether it's you that has to stand your ground and stick by "no," or you having to listen and accept "no" as a perfectly fine answer, always remember the power this word holds. And respect that power.

2. I accept you whatever way you come, and therefore you should accept others the way they come.

If you're a boy who wants to date boys, a girl who wants to date boys and girls, a boy who wants to be a girl or anything else in between, I love you and I accept you. You are a being of great worth regardless of the way you were made. And I hope that you don't ever hesitate bringing your boyfriend or girlfriend home to me, regardless of your own gender. Your sexual identity is up in the air until you understand it yourself and then you can explain it to me. With this in mind, however, I will force you to accept others for how they identify themselves as well. We are all people. Our differences make us human.

3. It's O.K. to make mistakes.

Your grandfather always used to tell me that everyone is entitled to five major mistakes in their life. I found great comfort in this idea, especially when I realized it's a Catch-22 (and a good one, I may add). The truth is, as time goes on, your old mistakes, the one's that felt enormous when you made them, will probably become minor ones to make room for more major ones you'll make later. Your top five will always change, so in the end, you're entitled to as many mistakes as you can make. With that being said, try to make them wisely.

4. Keeping #3 in mind, remember that no matter what you've done or gone through, you have the ability, at any point in your life, to change the path you're on.

If there's one thing to remember about life, it should be this. Years may pass before you realize you've gone down an unexpected path, one that you don't want to be on anymore. Don't panic. There is nothing you can mess up that can't be fixed. If you're still living and breathing, there's time. There's always time. Do not fear deserting your path and carving a new one for yourself.

5. Never let fear run your life.

Your momma has made this mistake once or twice. Here's the thing about fear: it's worth something. It has purpose. It tells you when to run. But, sometimes it'll tell you to run and it will be wrong. Use your best judgement. Sometimes you should stay, despite how scared you are. Never let go of happiness in fear of losing it. Never hold back. Never keep quiet. Break fear down, smash it into tiny pieces. You're more powerful than whatever you fear.

6. You're living in a world that will, in some ways, feel like it's trying to kill you. You're also living in a world that gives you a lot of power. Use it.

The world you're living in is f*cked up. Seriously. You're going to see a lot of hate. It will probably sadden you, especially when you grow old enough to understand it all. Just don't let the world kill your spirit. There are good people and you're one of them. Believe it or not, you hold a lot of power as an individual. You may not feel strong and you don't have to resort to violence, but you can make a change, however small it is. Use your voice, use your brain, be smart, courageous and accepting. Lead and people will follow.

7. Seek solace in the little things.

The quiet moments. The falling leaves, the light dusting of snow, the way your boyfriend breathes in his sleep, your sister's laugh, the color purple. Whatever it is, whatever brings you peace of mind, hold onto it.

8. Remember what family means.

When I was young and didn't want to go to sleep because I was afraid of having nightmares. Your grandparents taught me a trick. If I ever got scared in my sleep, I just needed to call for them. Just squeeze my eyes tight and call for my mom or dad. They said they'd always come. I was never afraid to sleep after that. Interestingly enough, years later, I found myself in a situation where I didn't know what to do and I was terrified. And then I remembered my father's words- just call him. So I did (though this time I had to use a phone) and he was there. Family will always be there.

9. You are more than you know.

In every aspect. You are smarter, kinder, braver, stronger, more worthy, more powerful, more beautiful, more loved than you will ever know. You may never understand what people see in you and that's okay. You are a better person than you think you are. Believe that.

10. You are loved.

Inexplicably, irrevocably, endlessly and passionately loved. You could break every rule I set out for you, but you are still my child and I will love you until the day I die.