Adulting Is Scary And Confusing, But You're Not Alone

Adulting Is Scary And Confusing, But You're Not Alone

Not everyone adults at the same pace, and that's fine!
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When we were sixteen, we thought adulting would be cool and easy. Think about it. No curfew, we can eat what we want, go where we want, do what we want and no adult is going to tell us otherwise. Then when we turned seventeen, we were both excited and scared. The reality of adulthood dawned on us. We were responsible for ourselves. Of course our teachers tried to make it clear that being an adult isn’t fun and games. You’re entering the “real world.” Another thing school did a great job of was setting up socially acceptable goals. You’re going to graduate high school, go through a four year college in exactly four years, graduate, and then find a job to start your career. Somewhere within that, you’d get married, have kids, accumulate enough wealth to get your kids into college, and then retired, grow old and die. This all seemed reasonable and doable. But it isn’t.

We learned pretty fast that these milestones set by our teachers and parents weren’t one hundred percent financially realistic or statistically probable for everyone. Some of us went to that four year college because we had enough money, whether it be a scholarship that could have not gotten because there were so many qualified candidates or because by sheer luck of the draw, we were born into a family that actually could afford to put all of their children through college. Some of us went even when we didn’t have the money and took out loans we still aren’t able to pay off. Some of us decided to not go to college altogether.

We all took different life paths that deviated from the very specific timeline we were expected to follow and we payed the price for it, whether it be from guilting ourselves for not being where we should be in life or from someone in our social circles guilting us for “not moving forward in life.”

The thing is, we all follow different life paths at different paces. We don’t have control over every road bump and life event that might pull us in a different direction. Sometimes things just happen. A person’s life can’t be measured by what they’ve done. If a person is in their forties and haven’t settled down and started a family, that doesn’t mean they haven’t lived a full life. If a person is thirty and still hasn’t chosen a career path, that doesn’t mean they’ve fallen behind. There is no correct way to live life, as long as you are happy and healthy. And no one can tell you that your life is lacking.

A lot of the time, when a person tells you that you are a failure in life or gets on your case for not being where they think you should be, they might actually be projecting their insecurities of their own failures. Your life path pace is absolutely none of their business and if they are, “saying it out of love,” there are better ways of handling the situation and talking about it, like asking about their goals or just being emotionally honest about why exactly they’re concerned instead of confronting them aggressively. For example, if you’re concerned about your partner not finding a stable job, instead of saying, “why can’t you just get a job already,” tell them, “I’m concerned about our financial security.”

I personally beat myself up over not completing things in accordance to the socially acceptable timeline. I haven’t completed my four year degree in four years and trying to complete it in four years has taken a financial and emotional toll that I wasn’t at all prepared for. I feel awful that I might have to take a semester off or maybe a year off. I compare my failure to my friends success but the thing is, I’m not my friends. My situation is vastly different than my friends. I worry a little about how there’s specific life things I still don’t know how to do. For example, I don’t know how to drive a car and a lot of the time, I feel kinda pathetic because my friends have to drive me everywhere. But the thing is, we all learn things at our own rate and experience things at our own rate and that’s okay! I am twenty- two and I still suck at budgeting and I still have yet to figure out how to keep my bank account above five-hundred. But these are things I’ll figure out eventually. I’m still learning and I’ll always still be learning.

Goal setting is a fantastic idea, but having to reset your five year plan to cope with what life throws at you doesn’t make you a failure. It’s just life. It’s okay to feel scared and frustrated and lost because adulting very frustrating and confusing and scary and you're allowed to feel that way without any sort of judgement. Talk to your friends. I can bet they are as equally scared and frustrated as you are.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

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Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

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My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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