There’s actually term for it. It’s called CBD, Compulsive Buying Disorder. I’ve never been diagnosed, nor would I consider my problem THAT extreme.

But I am willing to admit I have a problem.

A few months ago, my friend and I cleaned out my closet and dresser. And I mean CLEANED. Like got rid of three large trash bags of clothes kind of cleaned. It took all day and turning my room into a catwalk so that she could tell me which clothes I really didn’t need anymore. I mean, some of these clothes were from eighth grade.

They really needed to go, but of course I always thought I might wear them. It helped to know that I was donating them rather than throwing them away. I kept telling myself that these things would make someone else very happy. After hours and hours of modeling, bagging, and organizing what was left, we finally got it done.

A few months later, the closet is full again.

It comes from a need for perfection. One way I battle my low self-esteem is to tell myself out loud that I look good in the clothes I’m wearing. The problem is if I go to a store, try on a bunch of clothes, and tell myself that I look good in them, I’ll end up buying them.

If I tell myself I look bad, I’ll hate my appearance for the rest of the day and will probably be unsatisfied with all of the clothes in my closet for the next week or so or until I go out and buy something. I have things in my closet I’ve never worn and will probably never wear. I have a wall full of scarves, drawers full of purses, a TON of jewelry, and yet I wear the same scarf, purse, and necklace every day.

All that shopping really does a number on my bank account. I’m broke most of the time. Most people wouldn’t believe me because I dress so nice, but I promise you that I’m broke. I go to stores almost every single day. I spend money I really don’t have. And I can’t stop.

I return things just as much as I buy them. I take things home, put them on, feel guilty, and then take them back. Sometimes I just let them sit in my room long enough that they never get taken back. Of course, when I do take them back, I end up walking through the store again telling myself that if I already spent the money once, I might as well spend it again.

I justify things to myself like:

“It’s on sale”

“It was full price when I wanted it last time and I resisted so now I can reward myself, right?” (When the cost has gone down only a few dollars)

“It probably won’t go on sale. Everyone will buy it before then.”

“This would complete that outfit I never wear”

I started making a list of things that I really thought I “needed,” things that would complete an outfit or anything that would make my daily dressing experience easier such as a pair of shoes I can wear “every day.” I told myself that I couldn’t buy anything if it was something on that list. It helped for a little while until I realized my desire for new things was stronger than my willpower.

If you’re someone who’s struggling with something like this, here’s what I’ve found to ACTUALLY help.

Don’t touch ANYTHING. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve bought something just because it felt soft or smooth. I think to myself, well how could I possibly live without feeling this ever again? I assure you, you will survive. RESIST!

If you have to go to a store, take someone with you, someone who really understands your situation. It sucks to need a babysitter (and to be a babysitter), but sometimes you just really need the help of a good friend to say, "No, Cat, you don't need those bright blue boots."

Weigh your options. Would you rather buy a new shirt, or use the money to go out for lunch with you friends who could care less what shirt you’re wearing? For the price of those shoes you could buy six margaritas. Or go to the movies. Or pay your car payment.

Find a hobby. If you can find something to do around the house, it’ll keep you from leaving to go shopping so often. My hobbies of choice is playing video games or watching Netflix. Doing nothing is better than wasting money, right?

Realize that you can still treat yourself to the occasional purchase without going overboard. I still love shopping, I just need to tone it down a bit.

Trade the rewarding feeling of buying something for the rewarding feeling of saving money. If you’re as broke as I was (what savings account?) I can promise you it’s better to start NOW with as much as you can. I started my savings with $20. It was all I had to spare. Putting just that 20 into savings felt so good. I felt like I was finally headed in the right direction even if it was such a small step.

I set up my banking app to transfer a certain amount of money from my regular account into my savings on the days I get paid. It’s not much right now, but it adds up. Set a goal. Any goal will do. With a goal in mind, it’s easier to avoid spending money on things you don’t need. Saving money has been good for my confidence too. It makes me feel like I’m on track. I’m for sure not a money expert, but I’ve found that this was the best way for me to overcome my problem.

My ultimate goal: move out and get a corgi. Every shirt I don’t buy brings me one step closer to that.