Hi, I am addicted to food. No, it is not in the mainstream media way that is apparently cool. I am truly a food addict. Addiction by definition is a condition of being strongly inclined or compelled to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly. I am addicted to food.
So, what is it like to live a day in the life of a food addict? I spend from the time I get up to the time I go to bed thinking about it. Sure, there are moments that distract me from it, but it is always lurking in the back of my mind. When I get up, I think to myself, "what's for breakfast?" After breakfast is over, I am planning on my next meal--even if I am full from the meal I just ate. I repeat that process at every meal. During the day, I must fight the urge to snack. I constantly have to ask myself, "do you actually want a snack because you're hungry or because you like the way it makes you feel? Are you just bored?" Sometimes I can reason my way out of it, other times I am powerless to food.
Food addiction usually has a friend it brings along called B.E.D. or Binge Eating Disorder. Don't be confused. Just because you binge, does not mean that you have to purge. I definitely do not purge. A food binge is one of the most gloriously guilty experiences. At the time it feels like an out of experience. You must eat every and anything that sounds good in your reach. You mind is screaming at you, "STOP, STOP!!!" But your hands keep shoveling food into your mouth. After you are done, you look back at everything you ate and an overwhelming feeling of guilt and anger fill you. You know you shouldn't have ate this or that or that much....but you did.
I work really hard to maintain healthy eating habits. Am I perfect? God, no. But am I trying? Absolutely. I try to use my will power as much as possible. Do I want that greasy burger and those delicious fries? YES. Do I want to drink that refreshing sugar filled lemonade on a hot summer day? OF COURSE. Those are okay to do every once in awhile...but I want it constantly. I must refrain and every once in a while and treat myself. But I have to make sure I am in control, otherwise, I will inadvertently throw myself into the viscous cycle once more.
I know that I am not 600 lbs or even close, but I relate to those people on the TLC show My 600 lbs Life. Most people are disgusted by them and want them to just stop eating or eat less and that will solve all their problems. In theory, yes, you are right. However, that is like telling a drug addict to just stop using drugs and they will be fine. Yeah, some people can quit cold turkey...but for most it is a process. You see, most of the time drug addicts and alcoholics have some kind of traumatic experience in their lives that caused them to turn to drugs or alcohol. If you have ever watched My 600 lbs Life, you know that there usually are reasons why they turn to food such as sexual abuse, neglect from their parents growing up, etc. So, while a lot of people see low-lifes that do nothing but eat their life away, I see broken people that let their addiction go too far.
Being a food addict is not something I am proud of. In fact, it is the thing I hate most about myself. I know we each have our crosses to bear, I just wish mine wasn't so noticeable with my weight. I wish it wasn't always at the forefront of my mind while ordering food. I wish it wasn't at the forefront of my mind when I am eating around others. I wish it wasn't there at all. But it is, the only option I have is to keep fighting. Keep fighting to make the right choices. Keep fighting to keep a positive mindset. Keep fighting for my health.
