There is always something I contemplate, and I have done a lot of this recently. I always think about how I’m lucky that I have it worse, and “I can’t believe I’m complaining about my life.” Specifically, I’ve been going through a breakup. But when I looked at the news this morning, I thought about how I’m complaining about my own life when Afghanistan just got bombed. I thought about the current political environment, and how disappointing it is. I thought about how I lost one person in my life, but people are losing their own lives.

However, in the end, I am allowed to be critical about both.

My entire life is about helping people, especially as someone studying Political Science. It is what I’m good at, and it’s how I want to help people. An underlying issue is that I cannot help others if I don’t help myself first. I cannot think about the lives others if I don’t at least worry about myself. And it’s really not selfish. Sure, I may have gone just through one breakup, and it has not been the best week for me. But I am allowed to be sad. I acknowledge it’s such a privilege to be sad about a breakup because at least I’m not worrying about death at any minute, but I am allowed to cry to sad music and movies.

I went to a poetry event a while ago where the theme was self-care, and what it means for the community. It was largely seen how important it is to take care of yourself first. How you should take at least one day for yourself, relax, and enjoy your time as you. Being an activist is hard work. You constantly worry about the safety of others, and you try to make a better world for other. You repeatedly put the lives of others before yours. And while this is a great way to live, you need to worry about yourself too. It’s important you look at how a dangerous setting affects you, too. You can’t keep fighting oppression, going to protests, and going door-to-door to talk to people about an issue without taking a break for yourself.

Self-care is important. In the words of Audre Lorde: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.” When you’re a minority facing oppression or any kind of prejudice, it is easy to forget to take time to yourself. You’re continually fighting everyday, for yourself and others. Each single day is a fight you have to keep doing, and you have to love yourself while doing it. It shows that the hatred will not get to you. Loving yourself is such an important element because if there’s someone out in the world who hates you just for you are, loving who you are is a revolutionary act.

So while I may need a little more time to pick myself up, I am never going to stop thinking about others. I know in order for there to be change, I have to fight for it. I need to fight for myself first though. I will always dedicate my life for others, but there will be times I have to put myself first. And there’s nothing wrong with that.