I am currently 25 years old, rapidly riding towards 26 and my life is a mess. I do not have it all figured out. I have nothing figured out actually, but I feel this pressure to. I find myself asking when I'm feeling anxious, why. We have this clock that starts ticking the day we are born, and society somehow decided on what goes where. Why it has done that? I have no clue. But we have somehow submitted to this timeline of when you should do what, or even when you are 'allowed' to do what. When the time is 'right'. When you've lived enough for it, to deserve it.
Sound crazy when I put it like that huh? I am about to put you on to something that maybe you didn't want to admit to yourself but honey, you have no purpose. You are not a superhero put in this world for a specific mission, you were put in this world to do the best you can, to be the best you can. You were not put in this world to follow a timeline or to please other people. Years pass differently for everybody; we all experience life differently and at a different pace that works best for each one of us. Assuming we can all go at the same pace is assuming we are all the same and have the same abilities. We don't. If I try to win in a race against Hussein Bolt, I will probably die trying.
At 25 going on 26, I feel like I am playing catch up, like I am late to the game, like my time is running out, like I'm being chased constantly and my cardio well, It's not that great. I refrain from doing things I like because those things don't go according to my age, they are not clear signs of maturity. I need to act my age to be respected, to be taken seriously and I am constantly disrespected; because the world seems to treat signs of immaturity and vulnerability with disrespect. When in fact, the 'immature' deserve even more respect for the bravery that it takes to go through the changes towards betterment; the bravery it takes to not know, the strength it takes to learn in a cruel world that treats naiveness as dumbness and dumbness as weakness and unworthiness.
At 25 going on 26 life is hard, but life was hard from the moment I had to start learning things and proving that I knew things and could do things kids my age 'should' be doing. So, life was hard since I popped out of my mom's body because things are expected of you even as babies. I understand some things are for your own good; meaning physiological things, but some things are simply for society's peace of mind. The pressure is on the moment you start to live, the levels just get harder.
So, my new mantra is as follows:
I will live according to me. Whoever has something to say about it can suck it. From now on if you want to treat me with disrespect because I do things, and like things that do not go 'according to my age', I will no longer stress about it. Treat me like a child because I am not, I really do not have to prove anything to anybody. The only approval that I need of whether I am doing my best and being my best is mine because your best doesn't have to fit other's standards of what it looks like or is supposed to look like to be doing the best that you can. 'Supposed to' is no longer a word in my vocabulary.
I invite you to create your own, and to find people that will understand you; or at least try to before judging, putting you into a box, disrespect you, or preach the word of society. My wish for you is that you stop racing an imaginary race, that you are able to find and add people to your life that will help you learn with grace; that add towards your betterment. People that keep your feet on the ground and talk straight to you, but always (even without words) letting you know that it is through and with only love in their hearts and minds that they say this. People that say "Hey yeah, maybe you're going a little slow, but you got this, I believe in you, I am proud of you and if you need me, I'm here for you", but not "Do this like this because this works for majority, so society has ruled it out as the best way, or the right way. Just do it". Find people that let you be your true self, that celebrate your pace, whichever it may be because the fact that you're going forward is cause for celebration. Find people that don't expect anything from you for society's sake. People that at the end of the day make you feel happy more than they make you feel sad, and hold on to that.