Size is but a number. As simple as that phrase is, the complexity that it creates in a person’s head is unbelievable. People struggle with body confidence and accepting their size every single day. I am definitely one of those people. Those who know me have seen me struggle with body acceptance ever since I was little. I have always been a bigger girl that could not and cannot fit into anything smaller than a size 16 or XL. I’m the girl that demonstrates that “one size” does NOT fit all. It’s tough being a college girl with no body confidence and continuously body shames herself. True, if you go through my Twitter, Snapchat, or even spend time with me, you’ll see that I love food, especially food that is not good for me. I’m not saying that I completely reject healthy food, I’m just stating that if I have a choice between pizza and a veggie tray, you should probably hand over the pizza and keep your hands at a safe distance.
A lot of people do not know that growing up, I was always bullied for my weight and it got to the point that I was sent to a doctor that would monitor my weight and continuously told me the same thing every time I would go in to see him: “you were born to be a bigger girl and sadly, unless you work out every day for the rest of your life, diabetes and the danger of being obese will always be something you have to worry about.” Living as “plus size” means dealing with all these negative experiences.
1. You love food, but after eating, you hate yourself and regret your choice.
I’ve always been envious of people who can eat anything they want and as much as they want and never gain a single pound. Funny enough, most of my close friends are like that but are very encouraging about my choices to try and eat healthy.
2. The word “diet” is bad and when used is always associated with a negative connotation.
For as long as I can remember I have always been on some type of new diet, or as many doctors have told me, a “healthy lifestyle.” True, “diets” are meant to make your body healthier and better, but observing one absolutely sucks.
3. Shopping for clothes is fun, until you start trying things on.
When it comes to shopping, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreaded trying something on because I’m scared it won’t fit. There have been countless times where I’ve cried in a dressing room or cried when I got home because I continuously could not fit into anything I tried on.
4. Getting dressed in the morning is a longer process than it should be.
It takes a lot of thought to find what to wear for the day. Comfy is always the preferred way, but if I can look cute and comfy it’s a bonus. BUT, the issue at hand is will I feel uncomfortable once I get to where I’m going and will people give me a weird look, therefore making me uncomfortable and regretful of my outfit choice.
5. Going out to eat with other people can be nerve-wracking.
So many thoughts go through my head when I go out to eat with people. A lot of them are terrible thoughts, involving feeling self-conscious about the fact that I actually want to eat something but because it looks huge, will I be judged by the people around me in the restaurant?
6. Bathing suit season is literally a living hell.
Do not even get me started on bathing suit season. No matter what kind of bathing suit I wear, it won’t matter because I’m not as in shape or blessed with a tight body like my friends. I long for the day that I am happy with how I look and feel in a bathing suit.
7. Looking too long in a mirror is asking for trouble.
I have an unspoken rule for myself, I will not look in a mirror for more than a minute because if it’s longer than a minute I start to pick out every single thing I think is wrong with myself. Going back to fitting rooms, it is so terrible seeing how I look from almost every angle, it might be fun when I have something on that I feel confident in, but when I’m half naked for those 30 seconds while changing into something else, boy oh boy, is it uncomfortable and sad
8. Finding a store that has clothes that fit you JUST RIGHT it is extremely rare.
Because of my size, I can’t fit into clothes in Torrid, but I look like a busted can of biscuits in clothes from any other popular store my friends shop at. When I find a store that has clothes that fit me just right I will go in there every time, without fail, no matter how expensive.
9. Working out is the most rewarding feeling anyone can imagine.
Although it takes a lot to get to the gym and not worry about what others think of me while I’m working out, afterward the soreness and exhaustion is one of the best feelings.
10. Stepping off a scale after seeing weight loss is so fulfilling.
I rarely step on a scale, but when I do, after losing some weight, I do my little happy dance and smile to myself. It makes me feel like I’ve climbed one mountain and I finally feel like I have control over how I feel and that I can work hard and see results I want.
Living as plus size, I try hard every day to accept my body and enjoy all of me and who I am. I will never be a size 6, but thank goodness a size does not define who I am or my worth. I know I am not the only one out in the world who does not like their body, but the cool thing is that there are things that I can do that will help me love my body that jiggles and the curves that I don’t always appreciate. I've started to realize that it is okay to have thighs that rub together and curves because it helps make me who I am. For everyone else who is struggling with body confidence issues and accepting their size, it is important to remember that loving your size and body is the first step to having a happy lifestyle.
