I met a boy. Okay, I know, the inner feminist in me hates that sentence as much as you do, but let me continue.

I was never interested in dating until I met him. All of my friends pressured me into hanging out with him and giving me reasons to like him. I'll admit, aside from their teasing, I really did think he was a great guy. However, once I actually gave in to their reasoning and fell in love with this boy, it felt as though I was incapable of doing anything right ever again. I was immediately pushed onto a tightrope with the ends being held up by hands full of butter.

I cannot describe the amount of guilt I have felt this past year for having a boyfriend. My heart sank every time my friend told me she was upset that we didn’t text or hang out as much. I’m a terrible friend. I can’t believe I’m turning into the girl who is defined by her relationship.

This led to an extreme amount of insecurities. I no longer felt comfortable posting pictures of me and my boyfriend together. Any time that I brought him to an event I tried so hard to make sure I socialized with everyone except for him. It even got to a point where I would cancel plans I had made with him days or weeks in advance, to go and hang out last minute with my friends.

He was always more than supportive of this. But as you can imagine, it became a sore topic in our relationship and really the only thing we would get into negative discussions about. Our relationship feels like the cause of my struggling friendships. As I mentioned before, this was an insecurity and insecurities often become overexposed and overly discussed in relationships.

The fact that my life was changing because of my new boyfriend made me upset. I realize now just how ridiculous that logic is.

Yes, of course my life is going to change. I am bringing someone new into my life whom I care about and fall more and more in love with each day. If this boy were to leave me tomorrow, though a mess I would be, I would be so much of a better person than I was before I met him. And to me, that is reason enough to spend so much time with him. Even if that weren’t true, dating (to me at least) is about finding someone who you could marry someday. Now, if I am only supposed to spend the few moments in between work and hanging out with friends with my boyfriend, how the hell am I ever going to get to fall in love? There are only 24 hours in a day and I so wish there were more, but there simply are not. I am in love and happy and that is all that matters. As long as I am staying true to who I am, I am not defined by my relationship.If my friend cannot support that, then a friend she is not.

I cannot believe it took me this long to understand that I am only human. No way in hell am I taking this problem into the new year with me. I shall leave it here.