Unfortunately, college becomes a time where young adults discover what it truly means to “fail.” While high school failure meant not studying enough for your Spanish III quiz, failure in college encompasses much more.
Last year, I struggled a lot with the idea and how it manifests itself. I came in as a Nursing major then switched to pre-Business, switched to Psychology, and then back again. I still wish I could do certain things, even though they are not quite right for me. My overanalytical self can’t help but wonder, did I quit Bio classes because they were too hard? Or were they too hard because I was uninterested and the field didn’t suit me? I know I will never land on a concrete answer, and the ambiguity is terrifying. Now a Journalism-Psychology double major, I’ll still wake up some days and say, “Wow, I should have been a bio-medical engineer. Even though I do poorly in math. It still would have been more practical.”
But maybe failure was the necessary part, was the learning situation I truly needed. The trials and teary meetings in Academic Advising were spurred by stress and disappointment, but they also got me to a much happier place and learning environment. Perhaps we need to try and lose often to learn what it really means to win.
This past year and a half, I guess you could say I've "failed with flying colors." But I think I'm discovering that it's okay to do so. Failing is freeing, as the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. I'm not saying we should strive against success. I'm just saying we shouldn't avoid trying to do something with fear we may do poorly. There are a lot of areas I could use improvement:
In my friendships
You know that Jack Johnson lyric "It seems to me that 'maybe' pretty much always means 'no'?" Well, that's me. I'm a flake. And not the tasty cereal kind. I'm the person who says "maybe" to avoid making concrete plans; the person who cancels because she didn't organize herself well enough or stretched herself too thin. Thankfully, I had a good friend tell me that my habits hurt him sometimes. It opened my eyes to the fact that I need to do better. Grade: D
In organization and school
This is a no-brainer. Despite the fact that I've driven myself crazy with procrastination for the better half of my 20 years, I still find myself writing papers at 4 in the morning and stuffing my face with Ritz crackers for sustenance. Grade: C-
Getting enough sleep
"House of Cards" season three chuckles and says "Oh no no, sleep is not for you." Grade: C+
In relationships
Still too afraid to say what I truly want. It's much easier to tiptoe around the subject than be brave. Grade: B-
Working out
I have weeks where I run three-to-five miles every day, next to weeks where I take two-to-three naps every day. Jillian Michaels would be disappointed. Grade: D
As you can see, I've got a ways to go before I'm anywhere near "A" material. I may fail many more times before I get there, but I think it's worth it to try.
