Depression. What is it? Depression is a mood disorder causing a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It's hard for me to accept such a label because if I say I'm depressed, then people will say I'm worthless. That I'm crazy. That I need medication to make me "better" because I'm not normal.
One question that I've been asked is this: "How are you depressed when you're always so happy?" Well, it's easy to pretend to be something you're not, but that's not always the case. Depression can come and go in waves and it can be sporadic.
I'm constantly reminded of my past, and I always assume my future will be just as bad as my past, if not worse. I've felt this way for the past few years, I've been given countless prescriptions, and I've had countless therapy sessions. But they all end with three little words, "You're better now." Except, I still feel the same way as I did before.
One of the main reasons it's so hard for me to talk about what I'm truly feeling or thinking is that we live in a society where men aren't supposed to show emotion. We're supposed to be strong breadwinners that don't feel. I'm tired of being told how I'm supposed to feel and what I'm not supposed to feel. I'm tired of not being allowed to be my own person because I don't fit in with the ways of society.
I lost one of my greatest friends because I told him that I was diagnosed as depressed. He said that there was too much wrong with me and that he "didn't know how to deal with someone like me." That spun me downward even more than I was before and it eventually led to self-harm. I have scars on my body that I cannot get rid of because I didn't know how else to express my emotions. Nobody would listen and nobody would take me seriously. Because of a close friend of mine, I've been clean for over two years and would never consider starting again. If you, or if someone you know, is self-harming, please tell someone because it could save their life.
My hope in writing this article is that if I can admit to myself that I have depression, and help other people struggling with depression, than I alongside others can overcome depression. Depression affects roughly three billion people of the Earth's population. Nobody is alone in what they're going through, and nobody is being rushed to feel better, it takes time to overcome such an obstacle. This article doesn't suddenly make me not depressed anymore, but it does help into the steps of recovery.
If you know someone who is suffering from depression, be there for them because that's all you really can do. Be a friend. Have a friend. 'Cause friends make all the differences in the world.
