We were all taught at one point in our childhood, whether by our parents or teachers, the need to give those we have wronged an apology. For most, however, we were never taught what to do when we never receive the apology we deserve, or even just the thought we deserve. When that apology never comes, forgiveness has to come from within ourselves.
Although forgiveness is not always the easiest answer, sometimes it gets the best results. Anger and hatred are heavy; they bear a burden on our day-to-day life, weighing us down, eating us alive. Yet we continue to give them the power to do so. Why? Because we wait for an apology that may never come. We let our resentment fester into a grudge.
Relieve the weight. Be the one to apologize first, whether it’s to yourself in acknowledging that you simply need to forgive the person and move on, or to the person who wronged you in saying you're sorry for your role in what happened. For many apologizing feels like admitting defeat or a sign of weakness, but acceptance of what happened and moving forward will only serve to better your life, even if it means putting your pride aside and taking responsibility for your contribution no matter how small. This does not mean taking responsibility for things that were not your fault.
An apology is not only acceptance of wrong doing, but also an agreement to change. Not everyone does change, though. If you let a person consistently throw an insincere apology your way but they never stop hurting you, then you are allowing yourself to be disrespected and disregarded. This is not acceptable, and people who treat you this way need to be let go.
Sometimes you won’t feel like you did anything wrong. You may have no reason to give an apology, but this may be how the other person feels as well. They may think you are as much to blame, if not more. If no one ever feels compelled to come forward and apologize, it doesn’t mean an insincere apology should be thrown out just to end an argument. A bad apology can be worse than none at all. Any apology that has a “but” in it is not an apology.
Further, if you do receive a sincere apology, be mindful that you are as gracious in receiving the apology as the person was in giving it. Value the apology. If your response is smug or ungrateful, you are only validating their wrong behavior and invalidating the need for their apology. Taking responsibility affirms the idea of graciously accepting the apology. If you are the one giving the apology, however, don’t always expect one in return. Expectations undermine the sincerity of the apology, though it is still nice to receive one back.
A few tips for apologizing: don’t wait too long to offer an apology, express your regret for the situation, accept responsibility for your role and offer your forgiveness.
