So you were, are, will be screaming, “Heck, no,” in the case of working at a daycare. I currently am working at one, and it is quite an experience. The job is not babysitting – it is educating. However, this article naturally took a babysitting route. Oh, well. When I watched "Toy Story 3" before I got the job, I thought that they might have exaggerated the crazy daycare scene a bit for story purposes.
They didn’t.
Behold the real and daily life of a daycare provider:
Bonus activity: Take a swig whenever you read the word “poop.”
Automobiles
Life’s biggest mystery suddenly becomes about why trucks and tractors are so dang fascinating.
Boogers
They will be flung at you.
Cute Kids
They’re the ones that bite. Just 50 percent kidding; to be honest, most kids are super adorable and we want to cuddle with them all day, but we can’t because they like to make us work.
Daily Inquiries
Do I have poop somewhere on me?
Should I expect to feel symptoms of a virus, infection or disease after that?
Why me?
Is having children really necessary to keep on my bucket list?
Who is screaming?
Exhaustion
Is the coffee broken or am I?
Favorites
I was asked who mine was on my first day.
They do exist.
Sorry, not sorry. (We promise not to play with them.)
Goop
Hi, hello, what are you? My finger is very surprised to find you here and is not enjoying this meet and greet.
Hand Sanitizer And Soap
Meet your new best friend.
In Constant Confusion
I have no idea what you’re pointing at, saying, looking at, crying for or want from me!
Jumping
On each other, off the steps, across the room, down the hill, on the cots…
Kisses
If they’re in a good mood, then there’s a 0.3 percent chance they might share them with each other and you. Prepare yourself for moisture supreme.
Love
Of course we love our kids!
When they are sitting quietly and using inside voices like good citizens.
No, we love them always and no matter what. If we didn’t, then none of us would have stayed. The best moments are when the kids show their love for you. Shout-out to my man Josh for giving the best hugs!
Mommy
Or “Mine.” Either one. They are the two most popular words in the kids’ vocabulary bank.
Nap Time
Kids are asleep, teachers get to eat; all is quiet, all is good.
Oral Explosions
Coughs and sneezes, typically landing in your eyeballs or the back of your throat.
Poop
You have not experienced the fiery intentions of the devil until you have wiped the corn-ridden feces off of the back and out of the crevices of a child. A moment of respect and silence for all who have survived…
Quietude
What exists in our minds at the end of the day because we are now brain-dead.
Reading The Same Books On A Daily Basis
Even the kids have “Goodnight Dog” memorized!
Snot
Please enjoy this haiku I have generously written for you:
Ever-present flow.
A face half drenched in warm slime.
Blow, g-dammit, blow.
Tantrums
Hi, excuse me, you weren’t even close to touching that toy that your friend is now using, so could you maybe not? No? OK, bye, enjoy your stay on the floor. Don’t lick it.
Undies
Ergo, not a diaper.
Vicious
They call each other friends, and then 30 seconds later…
Wild Child
There’s one (to eight) in every classroom…
Xylophone
Because it’s one of, like, three words that begins with 'x' and you’ll probably find it in a daycare somewhere.
Y …
…are x, y, and z such rare letters?
Zebra
If you are smart, you will have some sort of zebra toy in your classroom because they are cool and we want our children to love them too. Thank you.
Now I know my ABC’s. Next time won’t you sing with me?
Oh, Lord.
