babygirl I pray that you never cry at night, and I pray you never question God why your life isn't right. I'll make sure to mold you like clay in the hands of a potter, here's why I'm writing this letter to my daughter.

secrets.. something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. luckily for me, mine were held by the ones I called my brothers. but there were secrets that were never to be known, but man if they only could live in the mind of this ten year old. the things I've heard, & seen but never understood, because we always seemed to make this life of ours seem so good. but at this age, is when my life shattered, bc I started to question if the word "family." still even mattered.

a split.. family: people related to one and so to be treated with a special loyalty or intimacy. loyalty there seemed to be none, & now that I'm older I question why she just couldn't be done. we longed for something, rich. worth more than money could buy, we longed for a bond that was precious to the eye. we longed for something, that we know now, could never be, but she couldn't just be done bc she wanted that one 6 letter word.. a family. she was 15 & thought she had life figured out, she was beauty & brains & wanted to see what the world was all about.. she met a boy, of whom she thought the world, she felt like she held the world in her hands, and on her finger it twirled. months started to fade, & time started to pass, and it looked as if the dust was slipping out of her fairytale's hour glass. if only she would have followed her heart & not her mind, maybe she would dodged the bullet that sent her back in time. back to the place of all the hurt and all the lies and the place of where she used her hands to wipe the tears of her mother's eyes. to a time, where love was still a word that she believed & not just goal that she never seen achieved.

babygirl I pray that you never cry at night, and I pray you never question God why your life isn't right. I'll make sure to mold you like clay in the hands of a potter, here's why I'm writing this letter to my daughter.

so now she's 18 & believed she has it all figured out, but back in a place that still causes doubt, bc 8 years later, there's still no changes, & she's still looking for that love in all the wrong places. maybe it wasn't her, just things that made her unhappy, the most significant one being her relationship with her daddy. looking for love that had never been shown, to everyone one else but the family he called his own. I asked god all the time why were we never enough, my own daddy couldn't even love me when things had gotten tough. he rather run away from all his problems than figure out his own, that's why he'd stay out all night & never come back home. but when he did, we all just played our roles & when we went out in public, the flaws could never show. the tears never stopped, & my patience ran thin, I'm damn near grown & feel like that 2011 kid all over again. I got sick of seeing the pain in my mommas eyes & wiping all her tears, I got tired of finding a man just like you becoming one of my fears. I got tired of wanting my family that I could never have back, because god knows I would do anything, to have my normal life back. a time where we lived, a time where we laughed, a time where when we were together it wasn't like walking on broken glass. I wish that me & him could switch places, so he wouldn't judge me from when I was 15 & found my love I wanted from him in different places.

baby, if it's one thing I want you to know, I will always try and I promise I'll always be there to dry your eyes. your grandma was the strongest lady I have ever known, and one day I'll be just like her and help you be just as strong. I will teach you how to love yourself and show you what you deserve, I will be the bumper in your life for when you hit a curb. I will give you all the love I've lost, and the love that I longed for, baby please just promise me that you'll love yourself more. more than I knew how, or that I ever did, I promise you will have everything I've wanted since a kid. babygirl I pray that you never cry at night, and I pray you never question God why your life isn't right, I'll make sure to mold you like clay in the hands of a potter, here's why i wrote this letter to my daughter.

ReplyForward