You don't know how it feels until you're in it. I can speak first hand that the assumptions are true. Scarily true. The constant doubt overtaking your mind is tiring and brutal. You feel the eggshells under your feet, cracking, shattering into tiny pieces. You try to piece them back together, but the grooves don't fit, it becomes overwhelming and you break. You crack and chip away until there is nothing but the cold hard cries coming from within, so deep that it feels like the tears are coming straight from the heart. It's over, you're tired, you go to lay down in bed beside them. They are quietly sleeping in complete oblivion of what took place only feet from them. You close your eyes and drift into a stream of unconsciousness.
I wake up next to this boy every morning. His hair laying in a mess, his eyes resting gently where long eyelashes flutter unto his cheeks. Peaceful some may say. A safe place. A place to hide from himself. Emotions try to break free, but he pulls the covers tighter over his head, letting nothing escape, not even the sound of his cries. A place where he can stay undercover, warm, not having to fight the real world or responsibilities because they are too much to handle. He cannot decide what's for breakfast, so he stays in bed, he forgets about lunch, so he sleeps, dinner is the last thought on his mind before he falls asleep for the night to repeat the cycle in the morning. Nothing can help, not even I. He can't help himself because he believes nothing's wrong. He doesn't realize the pain he's inflicting on himself.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Confucius
I won't lie, I won't hide from the truth; This boy looks happy. His smile is stunning, his laugh contagious. A young boy looking so joyous can't be sad, or confused, or angry. It is impossible for him to be uneasy about his life. At his heart tears start pooling and emotions get covered. He looses who he is, and he goes quiet for hours it seems. Is he thinking about something? About me? The silence pierces through my skin into my heart where it stings because I know nothing can be done. He needs to find himself again, he needs to learn to love himself.
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