For the past 90 days, I -- someone who normally avoids the gym at all costs -- participated in the infamous fitness program P90X. I decided to give the program a chance after watching a video and noticing all of my fellow lifeguard co-workers were in much better shape than me. P90X is an extreme home fitness program that can be done with just some light weights, a pull up bar, yoga mat, and access to a DVD player. So I went online, ordered the DVDs, and for the first time in my life, I pledged to start seriously working out. Here are 90 thoughts I, and anyone who has ever done P90X, had during the experience:

1. I cannot wait to get in shape.
2. I am going to look so good after this.
3. The booklet says I need to take a “before” photo in a mirror prior to the program.
4. Maybe if I wear glasses in my “before” photo, I will look even better without them in the “after” photo like they do in '90s movies.
5. (I take an embarrassing half-naked selfie). Great, now no one can ever look through my phone again.
6. I am going to be a beautiful specimen after this.
7. Day 1: I can do this.
8. 15 minutes into the first video: I can’t do this.
9. This man, Tony, scares me.
10. How did I let myself get so out of shape?
11. If I ever seriously do the “X” arm gesture, punch me in the face.
12. The cheesy video effects and background music really capture the essence of 2003.
13. Who in their right mind would log onto an online fitness chatroom?
14. Starting Ab Ripper X: Are you kidding, I have whole other workout to do?
15. I would look great with abs.
16. LOL, I am not even going to pretend that I can do Fifer Scissors.
17. Who needs abs anyway.
18. Day 2: I am already sore.
19. Every time Tony yells at the extra named Dominick working out in the background, I feel like he is personally yelling at me to go faster.
20. Dang, that Dominick is way better than I am at this.
21. Day 4: Finally, I can have a break with this Yoga X video
22. Thirty minutes into Yoga X: I have never been so wrong in my entire life.
23. Never again will I make fun of people who do yoga.
24. An hour and a half of yoga is too damn long.
25. “Fetus” is my new favorite pose. (Hence the cover photo of this article, featuring my cousin Hayley, whom I forced to workout with me while we were on family vacation.)
26. Day 6: Why the hell are they bowing in a circle together?
27. Kenpo X is actually a really fun workout.
28. I know I have only done Kenpo X once, but I feel confident I could win a bar fight if it came down to it.
29. Oh, cool, the booklet says that on the seventh day of every week I have the option of either doing the X Stretch workout or having a rest day.
30. Rest day it is.
31. Week 2, Day 1: I am so dedicated to this.
32. Week 2, Day 4: I want to quit.
33. I do not know why, but everything in these videos seems so much harder now than they ever did before I started P90X.
34. Even the jumping jacks are intense.
35. Tony is over forty and is in better shape than anyone I have met in my life.
36. Week 3: I am slowly dying.
37. Please inscribe, “He tried his best, but his best was simply not good enough,” on my tombstone when P90X kills me.
38. Week 4: Sweet, the booklet says this week should be easier.
39. The booklet is full of it.
40. I should just quit; this is making me miserable.
41. Great, someone at work just asked if I have been working out.
42. Can’t quit now.
43. TBH I do have more energy these days.
44. Let me just keep going.
45. Week 6: I love this program.
46. I can finally do the reps at the same speed as the people working out in the videos now.
47. I have never eaten so much tuna in my life.
48. I am going to turn into a tuna at this rate.
49. Why does Tony call Pam, “Blam”?
50. Week 8: Where the hell are my abs that Tony promised?
51. Screw this.
52. Abs are overrated, anyway.
53. I cannot wait to sleep tonight.
54. Week 9: Lowkey I do look better in the mirror than I did a month ago.
55. The post-workout drink actually tastes pretty good.
56. I am going to buy so many tanks after this is over.
57. (I add spinach to my smoothies, like, twice). God, I am so healthy.
58. Yeah, I consider myself a health nut.
59. I just do not get how some people do not workout.
60. Nothing is more important that having a sound mind and body.
61. P90X is my life.
62. (I do the P90X arm gesture un-ironically).
63. I am definitely going to keep doing this after the 90-day passes.
64. Maybe I should try Cross-Fit.
65. Week 10, Day 3: Today, I made an excuse to not go out with people from work because I had a P90X video to do.
66. Wait.
67. I have a serious problem.
68. Let me just finish this, then I will have fun after everything.
69. Week 11: I just want to be done.
70. I could go for a cheeseburger, right now.
71. A little more than a week left.
72. Almost there.
73. Seven more days. So close, yet so far away.
74. Six more days. I can see the light at the end of this dark tunnel.
75. Five more days. Ugh, kill me.
76. Four more days. I have nothing left in me.
77. Three more days. All that remains is a shell of a man with a crushed soul.
78. Two more days. This is how it all ends.
79. One more day. Lord, give me strength.
80. VICTORY!!!
81. I would like to thank not only God, but also Jesus, for this moment.
82. Time to compare myself to the before photo.
83. Here we go!
84. Oh.
85. I mean, I don’t look bad, but I don’t look like one of the success stories I read about online.
86. But, then again, I do look better than I did before.
87. You know what, I think I kind of look good.
88. Go me.
89. (I listen to “Feelin’ Myself”)
90. But for real, thank god that $#!5 is over.

I am glad I finished P90X because it made me realize that I am capable of sticking to something and working out on a regular basis. Now, I am eating better, sleeping on a healthy schedule, and genuinely happier with my body. That being said, I also think there is something completely unnecessary about working out every day for 90 days.

What’s funny is that even though I had more energy, I actually stopped doing things. I regret all of the times I did not going out with my co-workers when they asked to hangout just because I had a workout to do later that night. I recommend P90X to anyone looking for a fun, serious workout, but that does not mean you should let it dictate your entire life like I let it did. Having a nice body is great, but having fun with friends is much more fulfilling, especially when you can eat whatever you want for late night Waffle House.

While I may not look like sculpted Greek god, I am glad I did P90X because I found balance in my life. In the end, it’s just like Tony from the program says, “Try your best and forget the rest.”