It's common knowledge that love is one of the most beautifully messy experiences that takes place over one's lifetime. There's sometimes a particular emphasis on the "messy" part for those of us whose minds are constantly questioning every move made within a relationship, or in other words, those of us with anxiety. However, that doesn't make our love any less beautiful, but there are some things you should know if you love someone with anxiety. Here are 9 of those things:
1. We're not asking for your pity.
If we choose to open up to you about our anxiety, it's simply so that you understand why we are the way we are, not because we want you to feel bad for us. For many of us, it has to do with a pride aspect. We don't want to be seen as weak or that we can't handle things ourselves. So don't let it change how you view us, just have a little understanding if it limits us from things.
2. Please don't take it lightly.
PSA: PLEASE DO NOT SELF-DIAGNOSE MENTAL ILLNESSES. It's completely normal to have anxieties about things such as big events, or elevators, but there's a major, major difference between everyday worries and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Don't get me wrong, these everyday worries are also significant and equally as terrible! If you think it may be something more serious, definitely go to see your doctor, but please, please do not self-diagnose. The issue with this is that so many people are diagnosing themselves that a sort of "attention-seeking" stigma is developing towards the disorder and it's becoming viewed as a norm. As a result, when those of us who truly have the disorder express that we have it, it's given a sort of eye-roll or brushed to the side as if it's not that big of a deal. It really is a big deal and should be treated as one. Rant over.
3. We're going to blame ourselves for a lot.
You could tell us 1,000,000 times that it's not our fault, and we still probably wouldn't believe you. One of the worst things you can do is call us crazy (or something along those lines) because truthfully, we get that it puts a strain on relationships and a lot of us do blame ourselves for that, but compassion from our loved ones is vital, not blame.
4. We may need a lot of reassurance.
I cannot stress this enough. Alright, little biology lesson. Generalized Anxiety Disorder is caused by an imbalance of chemicals/neurotransmitters in the brain. This means that we have too much of the chemical that causes you to worry, and not enough of the happy chemicals. So when something even as little as canceled plans occur, the little bits of happy chemicals we have are suppressed and we hit really low lows. On the flip side of that, even the simplest goodnight text gets those happy neurotransmitters going and gives us that reassurance that we need.
5. We're going to question everything.
You could change the tone of your texting and we'd sit there all day questioning what we did wrong or whether or not you'll still like us (that's where the reassurance thing comes in).
6. You probably won't completely understand it, but give it your best shot.
We don't even understand it, and we don't expect you to completely, but even just showing that effort means the world to us.
7. Be patient.
All love requires patience, but our constant worrying gets old sometimes, believe us, we know. However, it's important to remember that it bothers us probably more than it bothers you. We don't want to be like this and we're more than likely doing everything in our power to suppress all of our anxieties, but sometimes it's not enough. Be patient through the bad days because the good days make it worth it.
8. Sometimes we just need you to listen.
When we vent to you, we generally don't want advice, we just need to know someone's there for us. We understand that our worries are typically unnecessary and perhaps illogical, but to us, they're so, so real. So don't tell us to "not worry about it" because obviously, that's out of our control. The best thing you can do is let us get our little rants out and be there for support.
9. We give our all.
Opening up isn't easy for us, so if we do, please do not take that for granted. For some of us, it's kind of embarrassing to admit we have anxiety (although, it should't be, there's nothing embarrassing about mental illness) which goes back to the thing about pride, so it may take awhile for us to be comfortable enough to share it with you. The fact that it's so hard for us means that it may take us a little longer to form strong relationships, so when we do, we make sure to give 110%.
