Shy people have it tough. You are an outgoing person at heart, you know how to have a good time, and you genuinely want to get to know others -- it's just very difficult to put yourself out there and start the conversation. Because of this lack of conversation, it's very easily to be mistaken as antisocial, unfriendly, or awkward. This is how I went through all of my middle school and high school years. I was known as the "weird girl who didn't talk," although in reality I was far from that. Since starting college, I've come out of my shell tremendously, but I will still always be shy in certain situations -- that is just a part of my personality, and I've learned to accept that. Here are some things I have been told relating to my shyness, that I believe does not help a shy person in any way, whatsoever.
1. "Do you even talk?"
This one drives me crazy. Especially because 90 percent of the time this comes from people who I barely even know. I'm sorry, but I am not going to start telling my life story to a person I met 20 minutes ago or who sits on the opposite side of the classroom. Yes, I talk. I am a human. By asking me, "Do you even talk?" implies that there is something wrong with me, when obviously there is not.
2. "I used to be shy in elementary school. I grew out of it".
So, basically, you're saying I should've grown out of my shyness by now? Or that my shyness is childish?
3. "You should join a sport or a club! You'd make so many friends!"
Believe me, I get that you are trying to help me, but just because I'm shy doesn't mean I don't have any friends.
4. "OMG, that's the most I've ever heard you say!" or, "OMG, she actually talks!"
Do people really not realize they are being rude when they say this? Yes, surprisingly enough, I do talk. Good job on noticing.
5. "You know when you get a real job you're actually going to have to talk, right?"
First of all, not all jobs require constant conversation. There are plenty of jobs that are more technology based and less focused on direct human contact. Secondly, if it is a job I am truly passionate about, I won't mind having to communicate with my coworkers or clients.
6. "I'm going to get you out of your shell!"
I wouldn't really mind this one, if it wasn't for the fact that 90 percent of the people that tell me this do absolutely nothing to help get me out of my shell. So, if you ever say this to someone, make sure you actually mean it.
7. "Everyone gets shy, sometimes; it's normal."
Yes, everyone gets shy sometimes. For a shy person however, it can take weeks or even months to warm up to a new person. It's very frustrating for a shy person when people act like they understand how they feel, when they really don't.
8. "Why are you always so shy? People aren't that bad".
Deep down, I know that most people mean well. However, when my shyness takes over, I am always criticizing myself thinking that people are judging me and that I am annoying them. That is what shyness is- being afraid to be yourself because of the fear of judgment. It's almost like telling a depressed person, "Why are you always so sad?"
9. "My friend is so shy too! You would love him/her!"
This one also gets me especially angry. Just because someone else is shy doesn't mean we are automatically soul mates. In fact, being around shy people is actually more awkward for me because no one wants to start the conversation.
There is nothing wrong with being a shy person. All it means is that it takes a little bit longer for me to warm up to a person. It doesn't mean I am awkward, mean, unfriendly, or bitter. I enjoy the same things as everyone else does in this world. Keep this in mind next time you come across a very shy person. They may very likely want to talk to you, they are probably just nervous.
