1. Baseball will leave you alone for five months out of the year
There is nothing more depressing than the first day after the World Series. Winter’s lull has settled in, and with only the promise of the Holidays and the Super Bowl standing in between you and spring training, it can feel like a dreadfully long four months. However, you can use the four months to your advantage.
Make yourself a better person, a better fan, and someone who’s full of optimism and excitement just in time to greet your team with a fresh face in March. You can’t love someone until you love yourself, and baseball lets you split time to spread the love all around and become a better person as a result.
2. As one that perpetually demonstrates tradition, class, and loyalty, baseball will be there for you every warm summer evening
Every summer night, you can count on it. You can hear it blasting from televisions while the sun starts to set and the air begins to cool. Nothing beats coming home after a long, hot summer day, cracking open a cold one and turning on nine innings of pure bliss. You don’t even have to wear make-up, you can wear sweats, and even swear a little unladylike at every questionably called strike.
3. There’re nine boys instead of one
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. I’ll refrain from going into details as I’m a professional in athletics, but every straight girl and gay man out there have thought it: baseball pants.
4. The grass is always cleanly cut, the dirt freshly groomed, practicing better hygiene than a lot of men I know
Not speaking from personal experience (I am), there’s nothing worse than the smell of some dude who could afford to shower or brush his teeth after hitting the gym. When you look at the baseball diamond, everything is perfectly in place and symmetrical, instilling an overwhelming sense of calm within you. Going to your first baseball game in The Show will always be more memorable than any first date. A freshly groomed field and all dolled up just for you, and you never even have to ask.
5. When your team breaks your heart, you have a fan-base of thousands of people to share in your pain with you
Trust me on this one. Heartbreak is always better when there are people who can empathize. I wrote my college admissions essay on why being a Seattle Mariners fan has molded me into the person that I am, and when I think about the decision made to let me into college, I distinctly visualize an elderly gentleman saying “I feel this girl’s pain. We have to let her in.” When a man breaks your heart, your friends greet you and comfort you with a bottle of wine but words may fail when they don’t understand exactly how it feels to watch the Mariners fall one game back from Oakland to become the second American League Wild Card team at the end of the 2015 season, only for Oakland to go on and choke in the one-game playoff.
6. The exciting roar of the crowd, the catchy one-liners from the announcers, and the dedication displayed by every player on the field burns a brighter fire than the passion most men can muster up from you
Ok, this isn’t meant to be offensive or to generalize men, I know plenty of pretty passionate fellas who care deeply about many things in their lives. There are a few duds out there, though, who can’t seem to get fired up about anything the way that Harry Caray could get all twitter-pated at Cubs games yelling “Holy Cow!” or than when Dave Niehaus would yell “My Oh My!” during some of the game’s most intense accolades. The atmosphere at a baseball game will fire you up in ways that one dude just can’t.
7. Sports analysts will remember facts and statistics from every game ever played, and they’ll certainly never forget an anniversary
Have you ever listened to the way that Tim Kurkjian can rattle off statistics? Everything that every player has ever done has been documented and memorized by every expert in the biz. There’s a wealth of information on your favorite players and teams available at your fingertips. You don’t have to pry or get too nosy to learn everything about your favorite team, and no one will ever call you needy for wanting to know more information.
8. Your favorite team will never let you down the way a man can
Trust me on this one. Speaking as a fan of one of only two teams that has never made it to the Fall Classic, I’m used to disappointment. Every spring, the Mariners promise a new and exciting year full of solid pitching and fresh prospects ready to thrive. And every August, the magic number for the post season turns into the tragic number and we’re left aching for a brighter future. This disappointment is routine, I see it coming and I never expect more of them. The Mariners are there for me every spring, and they never make promises they can’t keep. Unfortunately, I cannot say that of the men I’ve been a fan of in my life.
9. Nothing will ever give you butterflies in your stomach like October baseball.
And it’s here. Happy playoffs, folks.
