9 Arguments People Who Hate Horror Movies Are Tired Of Hearing

9 Arguments People Who Hate Horror Movies Are Tired Of Hearing

Not everyone likes getting the bejeezus scared out of them and not being able to sleep for weeks.
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There exists in the world a whole league of people who refuse to watch horror movies. Unlike the rest of you, we find absolutely zero enjoyment in witnessing the gory beheadings of a couple who was so naïve as to allow strangers to borrow their telephone, find no entertainment in the discovery of some tortured spirit intent on making a living hell out of the lives of a family who was unfortunate enough to have just purchased said ghost’s habitat.

This is more often than not because no matter how ridiculous and implausible the story, it will continue to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Not only will our minds keep us up that night with thoughts and reminders of how similar our rooms look to the one in the movie and how they were probably built around the same time so a ghost could totally be occupying ours too, but we will continue to experience major panic attacks even four years later when we happen to be home alone one night and have to keep every light on in the house lest the lunatic from that movie we watched a while back is still out there and tries to hide in the shadows of our house. No movie is worth that.

So, no matter how much you beg and plead, you will not break our resolve so you can stop wasting your breath. We’ve heard all these arguments before and here’s what we have to say.

1. Come on, everyone else is watching! The rest of us love horror movies!

Well, that’s good for you guys. I don’t really care if “everyone else” is watching. Unless “everyone else” wants stay up all night with me for the next few weeks and possibly ever because I’m never going to be able to sleep, it’s not happening.

2. This one’s not even that scary! I promise it’s not bad at all.

I really don’t believe you and also think that you are probably overestimating my tolerance of fear, which is zero by the way. I can guarantee you just the commercial for that movie scared me. The Halloween episodes of kids’ shows scare me. Zero means zero.

3. But it’s not even gory. You don’t actually see blood or anything.

Oh yeah, I forgot when I said that it was the actual blood I’m afraid of and not the whole scary plot leading up to this bloody death. If that were the issue, I’d just watch with a blindfold on, but thankfully I don’t go nuts every time I bleed from a paper cut. Just when fictional characters do after being physically and mentally tortured for an entire movie.

4. Oh don’t worry, it’s just about ghosts and other paranormal crap. None of it’s real.

I’m sorry, what does “based on a true story” mean to you?

5. How about this one? Nothing supernatural, it’s more like suspense.

That’s even worse! You’re just raising the probability of something in that movie happening to me. I don’t need to watch anything about some serial killer that kidnaps and murders women for sport. They are real, I am real, and that is a very real possibility that I do not enjoy being reminded of.

6. But it’s ok, it has a happy ending!

Oh, good, but that doesn’t erase the horrifying middle that it also happens to have. Not then from the film and not later from my mind.

7. Come on, it’s Halloween! We need to!

I don’t know in what Halloween handbook this rule is written, but horror movies are not a necessary holiday tradition. I will happily dress up in a creative costume, trick-or-treat, and get everything I want out of Halloween without one, including a stress-free, good night’s sleep.

8. Please! Be a good friend, I really want you to watch it with me.

I don’t know why. I promise you, you will hate me the entire time. I will not stop audibly begging the characters to run away and not follow that weird noise they hear coming from the basement or refrain from screaming like a maniac and digging my nails into your arm during basically every scene. And not just the scary ones, I mean all of them. They all have horror potential.

9. Why don’t you just face your fear? You have to get over it some time.

Thank you for the concern, but I very much disagree. I assure you that I can live a very long, happy, and fulfilled life without ever sitting down to watch a horror movie. It’s worked very well thus far so why try to fix something that isn't broken?


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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."
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Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."


3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."


4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.


"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.


“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. ...so are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.


Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."


25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.


"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.


"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."


30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.


"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"


32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."


34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."


35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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Toulouse Grande, Ari's Dog, Stole The Spotlight In The 'thank u, next' Music Video

Any dog other than Toulouse Grande? Thank you, next!

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For those of you who don't know (or who are jumping on the Ariana Grande train just now), Toulouse is one of Ariana's many dogs. He's appeared in a few other music videos, like 'Right There' and 'No Tears Left To Cry'. However, his cameo was most prominent in her latest music video for 'thank u, next', which, by the way, broke YouTube records.

1. He's first seen rolling up with Ari, dressed as Elle Woods from Legally Blonde

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Toulouse called shotgun.

2. Toulouse stars as Bruiser Woods, Elle's sidekick

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Name a more iconic duo.

3. He's featured in some close-ups

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Every other dog on the planet is QUAKING in their boots.

4. Toulouse has no fear of the spotlight with his mommy by his side

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Nerves? Thank you, next.

5. He even wears his own custom swimsuit 

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He's living his best life.

6. How could you forget his studded collar?

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This collar probably costs more than my car.

7. He is completely unfazed by the cameras 

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He was BORN for showbiz.

8. At one point he literally watches himself on TV

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An absolute ICON.

9. He was even seen being pampered in behind the scenes footage

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Sadly, this scene didn't make it to the actual music video.

10. He got all the affection in between takes

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Only the best smooches for Toulouse.

11. Toulouse was an absolute spotlight-stealer

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He is killing it.

12. Keep living your best life, Toulouse!

Hannah Lux Davis

We'll keep living vicariously through you.

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