9 Arguments People Who Hate Horror Movies Are Tired Of Hearing

9 Arguments People Who Hate Horror Movies Are Tired Of Hearing

Not everyone likes getting the bejeezus scared out of them and not being able to sleep for weeks.
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There exists in the world a whole league of people who refuse to watch horror movies. Unlike the rest of you, we find absolutely zero enjoyment in witnessing the gory beheadings of a couple who was so naïve as to allow strangers to borrow their telephone, find no entertainment in the discovery of some tortured spirit intent on making a living hell out of the lives of a family who was unfortunate enough to have just purchased said ghost’s habitat.

This is more often than not because no matter how ridiculous and implausible the story, it will continue to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Not only will our minds keep us up that night with thoughts and reminders of how similar our rooms look to the one in the movie and how they were probably built around the same time so a ghost could totally be occupying ours too, but we will continue to experience major panic attacks even four years later when we happen to be home alone one night and have to keep every light on in the house lest the lunatic from that movie we watched a while back is still out there and tries to hide in the shadows of our house. No movie is worth that.

So, no matter how much you beg and plead, you will not break our resolve so you can stop wasting your breath. We’ve heard all these arguments before and here’s what we have to say.

1. Come on, everyone else is watching! The rest of us love horror movies!

Well, that’s good for you guys. I don’t really care if “everyone else” is watching. Unless “everyone else” wants stay up all night with me for the next few weeks and possibly ever because I’m never going to be able to sleep, it’s not happening.

2. This one’s not even that scary! I promise it’s not bad at all.

I really don’t believe you and also think that you are probably overestimating my tolerance of fear, which is zero by the way. I can guarantee you just the commercial for that movie scared me. The Halloween episodes of kids’ shows scare me. Zero means zero.

3. But it’s not even gory. You don’t actually see blood or anything.

Oh yeah, I forgot when I said that it was the actual blood I’m afraid of and not the whole scary plot leading up to this bloody death. If that were the issue, I’d just watch with a blindfold on, but thankfully I don’t go nuts every time I bleed from a paper cut. Just when fictional characters do after being physically and mentally tortured for an entire movie.

4. Oh don’t worry, it’s just about ghosts and other paranormal crap. None of it’s real.

I’m sorry, what does “based on a true story” mean to you?

5. How about this one? Nothing supernatural, it’s more like suspense.

That’s even worse! You’re just raising the probability of something in that movie happening to me. I don’t need to watch anything about some serial killer that kidnaps and murders women for sport. They are real, I am real, and that is a very real possibility that I do not enjoy being reminded of.

6. But it’s ok, it has a happy ending!

Oh, good, but that doesn’t erase the horrifying middle that it also happens to have. Not then from the film and not later from my mind.

7. Come on, it’s Halloween! We need to!

I don’t know in what Halloween handbook this rule is written, but horror movies are not a necessary holiday tradition. I will happily dress up in a creative costume, trick-or-treat, and get everything I want out of Halloween without one, including a stress-free, good night’s sleep.

8. Please! Be a good friend, I really want you to watch it with me.

I don’t know why. I promise you, you will hate me the entire time. I will not stop audibly begging the characters to run away and not follow that weird noise they hear coming from the basement or refrain from screaming like a maniac and digging my nails into your arm during basically every scene. And not just the scary ones, I mean all of them. They all have horror potential.

9. Why don’t you just face your fear? You have to get over it some time.

Thank you for the concern, but I very much disagree. I assure you that I can live a very long, happy, and fulfilled life without ever sitting down to watch a horror movie. It’s worked very well thus far so why try to fix something that isn't broken?


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10 Games That Will Make Or Break Your Friendships

Going through hell and back with your friends can be as simply done as playing these games. You might actually just want to leave them there.

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Some nights, you might think to yourself "I just have too many friendships!" To remedy this, play any of these games! If you're looking for new ways to ruin your relationships, look no further.

1. Move or Die

moveordiegame.com

Move or Die will always keeping you on the go. No, literally, if you stop moving, you'll drop dead. Different puzzles and game modes keep the pace of gameplay rapid, with games where the floor slowly disappears, bombs fall randomly into a decaying landscape, and you literally stab your friends in the back with a chainsaw. Each round takes roughly 20 seconds as this chaotic game of chance will make you ruin your relationships for the sake of sweet, sweet victory.

Local and Online.

2. Brawlhalla

i.ytimg.com

Brawlhalla is an easy to learn fighting game, making it accessible to a wider range of friends with its simple one button finishing moves and attacks. With an emphasis on air attacks instead of ground, you'll see yourself slapped out of the air enough times to want to slap the controller out of your friends hand. Less gamer inclined people do well, which can make you potentially resentful of your friends' newfound winnings, which you might spitefully chalk up to "beginner's luck."

Local and Online.

3. Cloudberry Kingdom

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The puzzles in Cloudberry Kingdom look easy and straightforward, but the increasingly difficult and randomly generated levels will probably have you screaming at the screen within a couple levels. (No cheating possible.) You can spend time customizing your adorable character with funny hats and capes, only to watch them burn up into lava because your "friend" jumped on the only cloud AGAIN and you have to start over.

Local and Online.

4. Ultimate Chicken Horse

media.playstation.com

Imagine a 2-D platform game that only asks that you cross the finish line. That sounds easy, right? Now imagine that your friends will have a selection of weapons or items to either help you or kill you, though we all know with one is more likely. You'll watch your pals (enemies) effortlessly finish with a coin bonus in tow while crossbows shoot the ambition out of you and black holes drag you inches away from the end. This game will truly test how benevolent you and your friends are.

Local and Online.

5. Deceit

www.indiegamewebsite.com

As the title implies, this game is about lying, specifically to your friends. Two out of your six friends will be infected, but you won't know who. To find out who is the liar, you'll have to wildly accuse your allies based on the faintest of suspicions, until the infected collect enough supplies to turn into monsters and kill you. To prevent this, you'll have to shoot your friends, which sounds bad, but your friendship will survive. (Probably).

Online only.

6. Overcooked! 2

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Overcooked! 2 has you and your friends cooking quick dishes in harmony to hordes of hungry customers. Or, more likely, your friends throw your sliced chicken off the stage or don't take the rice off the stove and proceed to burn down the kitchen. While Overcooked! 2 is not nearly as stressful as other puzzle games, this fast paced and deceptively cute game masks how frustrating a kitchen can be.

Local and Online.

7. Gang Beasts

www.mobygames.com

Gang Beasts is a gelatinous fighting game. You'll have to throw your friends off the level, but instead of being able to use combos and defeat your friends through practiced skill, you'll barely be able to control your own character. The floppy mechanics of Gang Beasts makes it near impossible to guess what will happen as you try to throw your friends off the stages, pro wrestler style. The jelly like controls make it just as likely that you'll kill yourself rather than your friend, making a humorous, albeit aggravating experience with friends.

Local and Online.

8. Speedrunners

www.dvsgaming.org

Speedrunners is a particularly competitive game, in which players race through a looped stage while the screen grows smaller and smaller over time. Items like the claw (the claaaaw) and rockets will throw your pal, or you, into death as the screen closes around them. Even items like a bomb can also be used to either propel your friend forward or toss them backwards, showing how much you truly value their companionship.

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9. Dead by Daylight

www.heypoorplayer.com

Dead by Daylight adds a new layer to wanting to kill your friends, because one of you will be trying to do exactly that. You and three other friends will have to start generators to escape the killer. Trying to predict how your friend will hunt you down while coordinating with friends to escape will strain any relationship. If you're caught, you'll be hung on a meat hook (Texas Chainsaw Massacre style), and one of your friends will have to risk helping you to their own peril or they could just decide to leave you hanging. This dynamic of hiding and teamwork could make your group tighter through a "no man left behind" mentality or allow discord to ultimately kill everyone.

Online only.

10. Super Smash Bros.

www.imore.com

The classic. The champion of lost friendships. No game will deteriorate a relationship faster than Smash. The recently released Ultimate features a larger roster than ever before, making it possible to be defeated by the cutest of Nintendo characters, which just makes everything so much worse. Depending on how competitive you are, watching your friend murder you with a plant can erase any good feelings in an instant.

Local and Online.

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