Prior to now, I have never been in what the ordinary person would call a "serious" relationship. Now that I have been in one for a few months, I have learned some crucial lessons about the war zone that we call dating. I have learned the Do's and the many, many Don'ts of dating. And I can now say with certainty that I have a fairly accurate list of things that could damage your relationship (and possibly even result in some physical damage to yourself). I am not an abysmal boyfriend (I promise), but I have learned all eight of these the very hard way. I hope you all can learn from reading about my sufferings.
1. Never tell a girl to calm down.
This sounds ridiculous... right? It is almost an automatic response when someone is freaking out. The first time I said this to my girlfriend, we were driving on a fairly busy road, which only compounded the mistake. She turned to me, while she was driving, to yell at me about telling her to calm down. So not only was I getting screamed at for a simple sentence, I was in grave fear of losing my life as she was madly driving on a busy road.
2. If she owns a dog, never insult the dog in any way, shape or form.
This should be common sense, but I have slipped up once or twice. And if you truly want to be single, lob a few insults at her dog and see what happens.
3. Never try to tickle her.
One time when I tried, I caught a knee to the jaw, and an elbow to the ribs. The best part? She laughed and said, "You deserved it!"
4. Never take the AUX cord from her in the car.
So I have never actually successfully taken the AUX cord from her in the car, because every time I try it ends with my hand getting smacked more than once. After the smacking ends, I have a red handprint on the back of my hand to remind me of my mistakes all day long.
5. Never question her judgement.
She is right. All the time. Even when she is wrong, she is most definitely right!
6. Never wake her up.
Whether it's in person or from a call, waking her up is a generally bad idea. She likes to sleep just as much as you do, so why would you wake her up? Also don't keep her up later than she wants to be, if she wants to sleep then let her! Just like you, she needs her beauty sleep!
7. Never tell her she needs beauty sleep.
Come on man, don't be a moron... like I was. Do her a favor and just slap yourself.
8. Forget details about past conversations.
She loves when you forget something she told you days before. Nothing says "I truly care about you and your feelings" more than forgetting something she told you.
