Over time, Tinder has acquired a pretty bad reputation. When my mom found out I had an account, she made a weird face and said, “Is that the hookup app?” I mean, yes—sometimes it is used as a hookup app. But I want to point out that I know quite a few people who have met their long-term significant other on Tinder. It works for some people. Now that we have cleared that up, let’s take a look at the eight most common types of pictures posted on Tinder and how hilariously transparent they are.
1. Shirtless mirror selfies
You have toned abs. Nice. But when I see that, I can’t help but think about how uncomfortable you must have been while taking that picture. I’m sure you were flexing so hard that your veins along your temple were about to burst. But I guess we won’t know for sure since you seem to make sure your head never makes it into the photo. These are the people who I expect are on the app just for hookups, which is fine if that’s what you want to do. But if you’re looking for something more than that, this can come off as a little cocky or self-absorbed. Just throwing that out there.
2. Pictures with dogs
3. Trucks
I’m not talking about pictures of a guy and his truck—I’m talking about the ones with just the truck. This leads me to believe that you are some sort of transformer and that you are, indeed, the truck itself—that your arms and legs morphed into tires, your eyes into headlights and your mouth into a license plate. Regardless of that, you know what they say about the driver of a vamped up truck...
4. Pictures with children
I know what you’re trying to do here. You’re trying to spark a warm and fuzzy emotion inside of me. Oh, you took a picture with a kid? You must have prime dad potential! But what really cracks me up is that almost every person who posts a picture with a child or a baby feels the need to write, The kid is not mine. I mean, I wouldn’t normally just assume that’s your kid… especially if the kid is nearing double digits. You would have had to be 12 or 13 years old when you had a baby! I appreciate the clarification, though.
5. Group pictures
I like that you have friends, and I love that you like to have a good time, because I do, too! These pictures are great if you have other pictures of just you. But it’s frustrating if I can’t figure out which one you are… Next!
6. Pictures with guns/dead animals
These pictures are always somewhat disturbing to me. When I see you sitting next to a bloody deer, all I see is dead Bambi. Regardless of the animal, dead things (and weapons with the potential to make me one of those dead things) kind of freak me out. I understand that hunting is a fun hobby for many people, and that’s great for them. And I’m sure there are some women on Tinder who love that! However, I am not one of those women, and I will probably always be a little disappointed and grossed out when I see yet another dead animal. I can’t help it. But to each their own!
7. Sports pictures
OK, this one is acceptable... Unless all of your pictures are of you playing hockey from far away. I love hockey and people who are active, but do you really think I can see your face through your mask from this far away?
8. Staring into the distance
This one is pretty impressive, mostly because I’ve never managed to get this look down without appearing as if I’m either bored or have cramps. So props to you! I appreciate that you’re trying to look thoughtful and introspective. I like that! But I think a lot of people don’t realize the effectiveness of a regular, smiling picture.
Tinder can be kind of creepy and weird sometimes, but it can also be great for some people. At the very least, you have to see the humor in it. I’m sure I do some of the same things! And I’m willing to laugh about it. I might not meet my future husband on that app—I might not meet anyone on that app—but at least I got some quality entertainment out of it.
