The last thing that a child wants to hear is that one of their parents are sick. That there is something wrong with their provider and protector. In many ways having an ill parent shapes children in ways that some people can't imagine. While it is hard to put into words what we do and do not need from others, here are some things you should know about us:
1. We don’t always want your sympathy.
Sometimes when we talk about our parents and their illness, people think that their response needs to be something along the lines of “I’m sorry” or “I’m always here to talk if you want to.” While we do appreciate having the shoulder to lean on, we don’t constantly need it. We don’t need you to feel sorry for us.
2. Inviting people over to the house is just as awkward for us as it is for you.
Many times growing up I would forget to mention to people that my mom was sick because I was so accustomed to it. Friends would come over to my house and not know how to handle the situation, and that was my fault.
3. There is a dangerously thin line between the jokes that we can and cannot handle.
Most days silly “your mom” jokes don’t affect me. We can brush them off and not think twice about them. However, other days we simply can’t handle them. They strike a nerve and set off a reaction that we just can’t help.
4. Some days are harder than others.
This goes along with the jokes. Most of the time we are fine and keep our minds busy enough to forget about what is going on at home. There are days when everything hits home
5. We don’t like to bring it up.
It’s uncomfortable to talk about in the first place. It’s even more uncomfortable when it comes up accidentally. When people start telling their stories about their parents, and we don’t contribute, it then leads to unwanted questions and uncomfortable reactions.
6. We just want someone to listen.
We don’t need you to have the right thing to say or have all of the answers. We just need someone to listen sometimes. We don’t expect you to get it; to know what we’ve been through, we just need to vent sometimes. We don’t need you to be a therapist and ask how we’re feeling, just take a step back and listen. Giving us your time and attention will mean more than anything else you could do.
7. It’s okay to ask us questions.
If you want to know something, please feel free to ask. Don’t beat around the bush or try and find the nicest way to ask. There aren’t many people willing to have an in depth conversation about things so heavy, so when the opportunity comes up we’ll usually take it.
8. Children of sick parents aren’t damaged.
Too often people think that just because we grew up in unusual circumstances they have to tiptoe around us and what they say. If anything, the situation makes us bulletproof. We can handle anything you throw our way.
