It’s a given fact that every single person on this planet has been hurt by someone before and consequently been angry with that individual. Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, a roommate, a friend, or a family member, it’s a common experience that we have all gone through.

When the argument or the act of wrongdoing initially occurs, we feel angry. Some people like to cope from the aftermath by taking some distance for their negative emotions to dissipate before they reconvene to resolve the problem. Other people don’t like to take that time-out and prefer to confront the issue head on; unfortunately, sometimes even when they’re still heated. And then, there are those who favor the ghosting method; they completely ice out that person and hold a grudge for a long period of time, if not indefinitely. Whichever coping method that you fancy is up to you; to each their own. But at the end of the day, there is a lot of merit in taking the high road and choosing to forgive.

Forgiveness should not be mistaken for justifying a wrong act. Also, it is not the same as reconciliation. If your boyfriend cheats on you, forgiving him does not mean you accept or approve of his behavior. It does not even mean that you take him back. What the act of forgiving does is release you from harboring anger, resentment, and hurt. The only person that is hurting when you refuse to forgive someone is yourself.

Forgiving is in a sense, like accepting that what happened has happened and accepting that the person who hurt you is where they are. By holding a grudge and staying angry at that person, you are basically angry that they aren’t what you wanted them to be. For example, with the cheating boyfriend your anger stems from the fact that he wasn’t the loyal partner you wanted him to be. But to stay mad at that guy forever for failing to be a good boyfriend isn’t getting him any closer to being that good boyfriend, and it just causes unhappiness for you. So by accepting that he is where he is, that he’s not in a place where he is capable of being in a committed relationship, you allow yourself to let that anger go.

However, this isn’t to ignore that there is a proper progression you must go through before you get to the stage where you are ready to forgive. In fact, it would be alarming if you were able to forgive someone immediately after they hurt you. It is healthy to process your feelings and allow yourself to feel those emotions for a good while. But after a certain amount of time passes, if you are at a place where you still feel angry it is probably because you are holding a grudge. And holding a grudge is like holding a hundred pound weight wherever you go. Forgiving and letting go of that grudge will make you feel so much lighter and free.

These are the 8 stages of forgiveness that everyone can relate to.

1. When they first hurt you

2. When you talk about it with other people

3. When you think about that person

4. When you "make-up", but you're still mad

5. How you really still feel about them

6. When enough time has passed and you're ready to let it go

7. When you make-up for real

8. How you feel after you forgive

Send this to a bestie you're fighting with and bury the hatchet. Life's too short.