Catch the bouquet they say, you'll be next, they say. In high school, you never really think about you or your best friends getting married. Don't get me wrong, we sure talked about it a lot, but I never really saw the event as a real life occurrence at the time. Well, seven years later and, almost all of my high school girl friends are in a serious relationship. Me? Well, you could say that my relationship with the guy at the Taco Bell drive thru is serious, but I don't know if many people would consider being on a first name basis and knowing my favorite burrito an all too deep and serious relationship in the long run. I mean, what would we tell the kids? But besides that tragic truth, let me give you eight struggles I've been facing now that my high school fantasies are becoming a whole new type of challenge.
1. RSVP-ing with or without a +1.
Now, there was a time at the beginning of all of this that I did plan on having a date to this shindig. But alas, boys are dumb and circumstances change. Let me repeat that in case you didn't fully comprehend, boys are dumb. Who needs a +1 anyway? Besides, what boy really wants to deal with my crazy friends and their families?
2. Talking about your future.
When it comes to small talk at a wedding, what's the first go-to conversation starter? Obviously something to do with your life, right? So when the "are you in school?" and the "what are you studying?" questions end, there's always the "so when are you going to be up there?" Please, Aunt of the bride I've only met maybe three times in my life, stop making this worse than it already is.
3. Open bar.
There are advantages to an open bar, mostly because you're single and can do whatever the heck you want. But now when you go up to the bar and decide double fisting drinks is the only way to get through this thing, you have no one to blame that second drink on. You know what this means. Get ready for those judgmental stares, honey.
4. The Couples Slow Dance.
Better find your nearest chair, because this couples slow dance does not include you. Yeah, you could run and find your nearest groomsmen, but chances are he was double fisting the drinks too, or his gorgeous girlfriend already has that covered, and that's not going to end well for anyone.
5. Catching the Bouquet
You're pushed to the front like all the other single women at this thing, but there are two important outcomes that could happen here. One, you could catch it, but of course you'll have to explain to everyone who asks that it still may be a while. Second, you could not catch it and what's worse is all the pity looks and "maybe next time's" you'll hear. Better hit up that open bar again.
6. Sitting at the singles table.
Whoa now, whether or not you're in the bridal party like I happen to be, the singles table is going to come into your life at some point. Better brush up on that small talk. If all else fails, there's always the kids table.
7. Getting set up with literally anyone.
No, grandma of the bride, Billy doesn't seem like a nice boy. He's been staring at every bridesmaid's butt all night and Uncle Bart over there may not be married yet for a reason.
8. Inevitably going home to your pet.
If you survived all of the inevitable single AF moments, then the only thing to do now is to head home. But don't worry -- your dog will be there to cuddle you because what else are pets for?
Moral of this twisted tale? You might want to embrace the single life tonight, because there's nothing like a wedding to remind you just how single and far from marriage you truly are. All I have to say now is, good luck and eat loads of cake.
