I’ve lived in Vermont the majority of my life, but being raised by a Southern Belle in Yankee territory is pretty uncommon. There are two totally different styles of living and they are separated by the one and only Mason Dixon.
1. When you say Southern sayings and no one has a clue what you just said.
Um…Hello! They’re called conversation hearts, not Sweethearts. Nice try! Or how about when you have had a Red Letter day? And when someone’s bullshitting you, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” That’s not commonly used in your household lingo??
2. You are placed in beauty pageants.
Your mom probably put you in beauty pageants when you were little to learn grace and class early on in life. “You wear the crown. You be the crown. You are the crown.”
3. You have impeccable manners.
You’ve been taught to say "Yes Ma’am" and "Yes Sir" to anyone who is older than you. Most northerners' heads turn when they hear these lines. Please and thank you are a must!
4. You can smile through anything.
You’ve learned to verbally bitch slap somebody while keeping a smile on your face. You kindly end the conversation by saying, “Bless your heart.” It’s a respectable way to point out the obvious without stating unpleasantness.
5. You have a double first name.
Jim Bob, Joe Bill, and Peggy Sue are all double first names that you’ve heard growing up whether they were real or someone on television. If you don’t have a double first name, then you are constantly referred to by your first and middle name together. I don’t know how many times my family has called me Lacy Catherine, instead of just Lacy. A Southern mama needs a double first name for the full effectiveness when yelling.
6. You realize Northerners can’t cook.
I’m sorry for this broad statement, but come talk to me when your mom has mastered the art of homemade fried chicken…
7. You always act like a lady.
You never clean your plate. You simply eat enough to show people you enjoyed it, but leave some to show that you aren’t a glutton. And you should never sit so the heels of your shoes get scuffed.
8. You never piss off a Southern mama.
Southerners are bound to have a little redneck in them. You never know when she might lash out and say, “I wasn’t raised a good Catholic girl so it’s gonna feel too good to slap the shit out of you.” True fact right there y’all….
Needless to say, people find me different, but I’ll always feel blessed that I have been raised by a true Southern woman.
