One of my courses this semester focuses on possible causes of the apocalypse and how “the end” could be upon us sometime in the near future. After looking back on the events of 2016 so far, I truly believe that “the end” might be near….
1. Zayn Malik left One Direction.
We don’t all have to be “Directioners” to know about this iconic split. In late March after dropping his first solo single, Zayn Malik announced that he was permanently splitting from One Direction. The boys tried to deny the band’s breakup, but with Harry, Liam, and Niall all releasing solo singles as well, it doesn’t look too hopeful that our boys will be back in action together anytime soon.
2. Taylor Swift broke off her longest relationship.
In case any of you reading this live under a rock with Patrick Star, Taylor Swift broke up with her long-time boyfriend Calvin Harris in early June after 15 months of dating. I don’t know about you, but I thought this power couple was going to last forever. Yes, Taylor Swift breaking up with a boyfriend isn’t anything new, but the fact that she ended her longest relationship in 2016 is yet another reason why the world is coming to an end.
3. Ellen DeGeneres called in sick for the first time in history.
The fact that one of the greatest TV hosts in history missed a taping of her own show for the first time ever clearly means the end is upon us. AND not only did she miss the taping, she also sent Miley Cyrus in as her replacement. She must have really been ill because her head clearly was not in the right place…
4. Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint and Kanye West walked off the stage of his own show.
Yet another dysfunctional moment for a very dysfunctional family… Granted, gun violence is not a joking matter and I do admire Kanye for running to his wife’s rescue, but Yeezus himself having to cancel his next shows must mean something big is coming.
5. Demon Clown Attacks
Clowns… Why does it have to be clowns? Okay with this one, people have officially lost their minds. The mass hysteria that has been caused by supposed “clown sightings” is a huge cause for concern and is a very nice embodiment of how well the human race has evolved. Don’t believe me? Check out this video taken at Penn State University where a mob of students decided to hunt the clown down instead of running from it.
6. Crocs were worn on the runway during London fashion week.
Recently, some famous designers have taken it upon themselves to try and bring back Crocs in a more fashionable sense. Let’s get this straight… The words Crocs and fashionable should never be used within the same sentence and the fact that I just did it proves how cringe-worthy this new trend is. 2016, what can you bring us next? Oh wait…
7. Our 2016 presidential candidates are Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.
No words even need to be said here.
8. Vine is dead.
This might possibly be the biggest catastrophe of the year. On Thursday, it was announced that the app Vine will be deleted from our lives forever. What will the human race do without endless 6 second loops of “Look at all those chickens!” and flying potatoes? RIP Vine - you will be missed dearly.
2016, you have let us down.