The Eight Guys You'll Meet On Bumble
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The Eight Guys You'll Meet On Bumble

Your bio is your Instagram? No thanks, I'll pass.

The Eight Guys You'll Meet On Bumble

Earlier this year, I almost faltered on my long-held adamance against using Tinder. Going into 2016 just as single as I was in my birth year of 1995, I started to wonder if Tinder was the way for me to find a RomCom worthy romance. But then I remembered a different app I had heard about - one that was like Tinder, but not as popular, and thus not as scandalous; that’s how I found myself convincing my friends to join me in the world of Bumble.

One of the now infinite number of dating apps on the market, Bumble is trying to change the game. A female-forward app, when a match is made the girl (in a heterosexual match) has 24 hours to message the guy first. Otherwise the match disappears, and the guy never has the opportunity to contact the girl. It eliminates the harassment that women tend to face on Tinder and similar apps, and also erases the gender role that the guy has to "make the first move." Leveling the playing field by making women the initiator, Bumble is dedicated to “Social Pollination”.

So who will you find on this app? Definitely not all of the guys you’ll find on Tinder. Bumble has yet to reach the popularity levels of other dating/hookup apps in New Orleans, so you’ll find a select group of people on the forefront of apps and technology utilizing the new matchmaker. As one of the first people to bring Bumble to the University of New Orleans campus, most of my matches involve students at other universities or recent graduates in the area. None of those awkward we-matched-last-night glances in Bio for me. This app is truly reaching out into crowds I would never encounter on my own. However, I have noticed a trend in my finds. So here are the 8 guys you’ll meet on Bumble:

1. The Boy in Camo

This guy is quick to let you know that he hunts, fishes, or likes to get down and dirty in some other southern way. At least one of his pictures features him on a boat or holding up one of his kills next to his trusty hunting dog. I’m always quick to swipe left on these due to personal feelings about hunting, but if that’s what you’re into, you can definitely find a future on Bumble.

Some comment about hunting I guess, I never get this far.

2. The Party Boy

He holds alcohol and poses with girls in nearly every one of his pictures. I think he’s trying to tell me he’s fun and can get with cute girls, but what I’m really getting is that partying is an important part of his life and I can find no sense of professional motivation. As Simon Cowell would say, it’s a no from me.

“Wanna come on yacht week? July 2016, Croatia. We have spots on our boat we're looking to fill. Let me know”

3. The Boy with No Bio

These guys are always a hit and miss. I know girls who give them an automatic left due to lack of effort, but if I’m really feeling their look, I’ll spare them a swipe. I’m not sure if they aren't aware that they can change their bio or if they're too lazy to give it a minute of thought, but take these guys with a grain of salt if you get a match. The conversations don’t usually last long.

How do I make an opening comment when I know literally nothing about him? Oh, I know, I'll send an emoji.

4. The 5 with the Bio of a 10

Oh to swipe right and regret the match. I have at least two of these matches a week - when you’re scanning the possibilities, you find the bio of your dreams: spends his summers at the university hospital trying to find a cure for cancer, loves to travel, and volunteers with abused animals. What a dreamboat - so you swipe right. But when the match appears and you look at his images, you can’t believe what you were thinking. Until you read his bio and fall right back into the cycle. Well, at least until his profile disappears in 24 hours.

"College graduate in biology. Next school. I really like traveling. Life is all about experiences and the people that we meet. Why not share that trip with someone? So, what you think? Want to go on an adventure?"

5. The Left on the Boy, Right on the Dog

No explanation needed. When will they make an app where I can match with the pets but not the people?!

"My dog is my best friend." Can he be mine, too?

6. The Military Man

I have matched with a surprisingly large amount of guys involved in one way or another with the military during my time on Bumble. Some of them are stationed down here, some are in school, and one was just in New Orleans on a weekend mission. Whatever they’re doing here, they know what they’re doing when they include their uniforms in their photos. Give me dress blues over Vineyard Vines any day. Usually these gents are good to chat with, too. Unless the New Orleans spirit (and spirits) gets to them and they ask to come over to your place. Sometimes you have to remind them that this isn’t Tinder.

"One more year at West Point and then off to medical school." Yes please.

7. The Out-of-Towner

Matching with this guy is risky. Is he looking for a hook-up, or just for a nice convo while he’s visiting the city? Thankfully, I’ve only come across the latter during my month on Bumble. But with Mardi Gras around the corner, I’m not holding my breath against the hook-up guy. They are pretty fun to poke fun at when they ask about living here, though.

"Boston/Martha's Vineyard. New Orleans for Mardi Gras."

8. The Guy that Got Away

Usually an Out-of-Towner, no one is more heartbreaking than The Guy that Got Away. You’ll swipe right because he’s cute enough and his bio is either that of McDreamy or just too hilarious to pass up. When you get to talking, he’ll say the right things and actually ask questions about you rather than making you lead the whole conversation. Alas, good things can never be, and he’ll leave for home before your schedules match to grab drinks.

"Traveling salesman for an IT Software company. Former college athlete. IPA fanatic. Outdoorsy. Old soul. Looking for someone to go camping with. ENFJ. 5'9". Did I cover everything?"

Still hoping that there's a ninth type out there - The One. Do I anticipate finding The One on Bumble? Not really. But it would be a great story to tell, and I wouldn't expect him to have any troubles if I don't want to take his last name. Heck, maybe he'll take my last name. We did meet on a female-forward dating app, after all.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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