72 Things An Asshole Would Say
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72 Things An Asshole Would Say

"I'm not even an asshole"

72 Things An Asshole Would Say

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

3. Are your parents siblings?

4. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

5. You're better at sex than anyone; now all you need is a partner.

6. Calling you dumb would be an insult to dumb people.

7. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

8. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

9. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

10. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

11. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

12. Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

13. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

14. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

15. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

16. You has a mind like a steel trap - always closed.

17. You are living proof that man can live without a brain!

18. My grandma has better game than you.

19. He's not dumb; he's possessed by a slow ghost.

20. Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change.

21. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

22. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

23. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my bottom.

24. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

25. I bet your mother has a loud bark!

26. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

27. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

28. I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works!

29. I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

30. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

31. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

32. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

33. I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

34. I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

35. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

36. I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

37. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

38. You should really think of being a voice actor for silent films

39. I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

40. I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

41. I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

42. I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

43. If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

44. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

45. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

46. If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.

47. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

48. If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.

49. Keep talking. Maybe someday you'll say something intelligent.

50. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

51. Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

52. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

53. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

54. There is no vaccine against stupidity.

55. Why are you talking to me...you're not even in my salary bracket.

56. Shouldn't you be saving your thought for when someone finally actually cares?

57. Hey they are giving away free crack down the street - don't hurt yourself sprinting.

58. Don't waste your entire vocabulary on me. I know you're saving it for a special occasion.

59. No I don't have any spare change....oh you're not homeless...I couldn't tell.

60. I can't hear you...I blocked you out....what ...what..

62. Why don't you find a quarter, and call someone who actually cares.

63. Who pissed in your cheerios today?

64. If you are going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

65. Did you sprinkle a little extra dick in your cereal this morning?

67. It may be a wise idea to grow up a little.

68. Even Helen Keller can tell you're ugly

69. Hey dude I know you like horses but can you keep that horse sh!t breath away from me?

70. Excuse me, can I help you find your mother after she clearly left you because she saw your face?

71. Wow you have the perfect face for radio!

72. I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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