About 10 years ago we were young and spry, waiting for the text message letting us know where the party was. Immediately after, we’d raid our closets for that new mildly inappropriate, overly flashy top. Then we’d complement that with gaudy over the top accessories, bright eyeshadow and a bottle of Burnet’s vodka. In the blink of an eye, you’re well into your twenties. Everything you once found appealing, makes you want to ram your head into a wall repeatedly. Here are six ways you realize you’re not as young as you used to be.
1. Thongs? Huh?
Back in the day, we shopped in the Pink department and always went for the brightly colored piece of dental floss for $10.99. Nowadays, your dresser drawer that houses your coveted lingerie collection is one giant haze of beige. Now, you’re more practical. You understand that the lime green push up bra that makes your boobs twice the size isn’t going to settle nicely underneath your collection of $6.00 white v-necks from Target. Every bra is now nude, white or black.
2. Scotch Neat
Back in the day, you used to choose quantity over quality. You preferred the “brick” of Keystone Light because it was a bang for your buck. Now, you choose the overpriced bottle of wine. You’re basically a sommelier with all the wine tastings you attend. You have friends who order things like Glenlivet neat and sidecars. They also conveniently have a glass of water after every drink thus to insure hydration.
3. Make-up
Remember when Wet n’ Wild and Maybelline were cool? Now it’s not just make-up for fun. It’s make-up to actually help you look better. Little baby lines have started to show their ugly faces. Now, you pay more money on Olay night creams than you do on MAC eyeshadow.
4. SquadGoals
When you’re 20 you basically have a posse. An entirely too big group of acquaintances you call your “besties” because they are willing to hang at the new dive every night. In your late 20’s, you maybe have four friends. Good, solid, honest to goodness humans who accept you in your yoga pants, no bra, unwashed hair and who would rather bring you a Starbucks than sit in a club.
5. Planned Families
In your early 20’s, most kids aren’t exactly planned. Let’s face it. Some are, I suppose. You know you’re old when that baby was on purpose.
6. Bars are too loud
Last but not least, the final major clue. You’re out. You’re actually out, in heels nonetheless. However, your best gal is sitting across the 2x2 foot table and you cannot hear a word she’s saying because the DJ is playing another loud techno song that sounded exactly like the last one. Next morning? You have no voice because you were screaming all night long. 10 years ago you did not notice this. Now, you call said gal pal to complain about this.
It's a harsh reality, but let's face it. Would we want to go back? At least now we have retirement and hip pain to look forward to.
