So you're a freshman here at SUNY New Paltz and you want to make a lasting impression on everyone you meet. Or, as you're getting further along in your college career you're realizing much of your friend group has been sent home for drug possession to take over the family business, and it's time to get acquainted with some new people. Or maybe you just have kind of a maniacal need for attention. Any of the above is a good reason to look over the list below and gain some inspiration to stand out in the crowd.
1. Become a regular at The Cafeteria
Every Monday at 7pm this cafe on Main Street hosts an open mic night (side note the caramel lattes are incredible @TheCafeteria please sponsor me). What better way to showcase your Plath-inspired poetry? One day your spoken word about death as it relates to your vagina will make it to CUPSI, no doubt, but now is a good time to get comfortable reciting “Lady Cavernous” for your peers every week.
2. Work at both Groovy Blueberrys
You want people to know you love Janis Joplin. And if anyone needs a 3-pack of tie-dye onesies, you've got the hookup.
3. Run a party house
No one is exactly sure how these houses are run or by whom, but these mysterious spaces are undoubtedly a staple in the university’s nightlife. Sure, when most of your days are spent rubbing the smell of illegal activity out of your walls, there isn't much time left for studying. But being in control over one of these houses means you can pick the performers- Riot-Grrrl-inspired Death Grips cover bands, here we come! And you'll never have to pay for bud- a recent case study proved that a minimum of a fourth is swept up after every house party in Ulster County. Just make sure you charge a small entrance fee so you can repair that 17th century wine rack someone fell on last night. It's a conversation piece, okay?
4. Start a Riot-Grrrl-inspired Death Grips cover band
Perform at house shows.
5. Try your hand at metalworking
Contrary to popular belief, Interdisciplinary Marijuana Research is not a major that exists at the State University of New Paltz. We are known for our Metal program, though, which is just as alternative.
6. Carry your hiking gear to class
What do New Paltzians love the most? Why, organic carrot-top soup and hiking, of course! Step into Calculus II in full cragsman garb- every friendly face you knock over with your fire kit is an opportunity to get to know someone. Go the extra mile and pitch a tent in Parker Quad. Skin a duck in time for the 8am mob to get to their classes. Throwing up is a sign of attraction, boys.
7. Proclaim yourself a Trump supporter
I don't personally recommend stooping to this level, but if rabid infamy is what you're after, this is the way to go. Spray-paint your body orange, put on your “Make America White Great Again” T-shirt and walk through the Humanities building. Record your findings, send me an e-mail, I'll write an article about it.
