Do you live within driving distance of your college? If so, stop reading, because this article is not for you. Actually, scratch that, keep reading and share. In fact, create another Facebook profile, friend me, and then share it again … but I digress.

Well anyway, I have to fly home from college and for the longest time it was a pain. But I recently figured out the best way to make flight travel both comfortable, and more importantly affordable.

Step 1. Pay for a limousine.

Nothing is more affordable and more luxurious than a stretch limousine. With prices as cheap as a few hundred dollars an hour, it’s hard to say no to such great rates.

Step 2. Avoid the costly prices of suitcases, and simply wear all of your clothes to the airport.

If you layer together all your shirts and jackets, you will be sure to stay warm, and you won’t have to wait to pick up your luggage.

Step 3. If you are late for your plane, there is one surefire way to get to the front of an obnoxious security line.

Start crying loudly and animatedly, and people will do whatever it take to get far away from you. Once they get out of the way, you can be next to the security desk.

Step 4. Fill your pockets with as much metal as possible.

The TSA have been spreading a rumor that their metal detectors detect all metal, but that is a sorrowful lie. The truth is that if you have enough metal with you, the metal detectors overload, and you can walk right through.

Step 5. Nothing is more stressful than travel.

Luckily, recent studies show that exercise is a great way to relieve stress. Use the airport hallways as track for some jogging, and absolutely remember to bring your dumbbells for some quick lifting while you wait for your plane to arrive.

Step 6. When it is time to present your ticket, remember that there are other options besides your phone and a print out.

This is the perfect opportunity to practice your etching. Etch out the bar code of your ticket, and watch as the airport employee’s face lights up with astonishment.

Step 7. Finally, remember that you and all of your fellow travelers on the plane are not strangers, but members of the same team.

Therefore, try to encourage some team building exercises, like karaoke or Trivia. Plane travelers love this sort of thing, and they will be grateful for your leadership.