May is often one of the busiest (if not the actual busiest) month out of the entire year. Schools are winding down in the final stretch before summer, finals are looming on the horizon, every single thing is seemingly scheduled for the same day, and everyone is just crying. No one knows how to deal with this super busy month. Well, if you're one of those people, then do I have some great news for you. Here's a list of things to do to get through the month of May.
1. Keep a calendar of all important dates.
Every time you know something is scheduled for a certain date, write it down! Then, once you realize everything single thing is happening in the same weekend, stare at the calendar with blank eyes as tears slowly slip down your cheeks because how are you going to fit it all in? Gotta love planning!
2. Sacrifice your soul.
Do some research on different deities to find the one you most closely identify with. Then, commit a ritual sacrifice of your soul to this deity. How else will you get anything done this month? Haha. Hah. Hah.
3. Cry.
Hole yourself in your room and do nothing but stare at the wall while you continuously sob into your pillow. Remember it's okay to cry. Maybe each tear has the answer as to why this month is always so wholly overwhelming. Who knows? Certainly not you.
4. Throw yourself into the sun.
Find someone who works at NASA and become best friends with them, and I mean best friends. The kind of friends where you're the only one who knows they once ate fish food and secretly enjoyed it as a child. Once you've completed this, ask for access on the next space shuttle. They'll let you. That fish food bond is unshakable. Set a new course for the sun and eject yourself into it for a fiery but super cool death. There. No more responsibilities. You've done it.
5. Pretend nothing is wrong.
Go about your day as if your life is not imploding. Anytime anyone asks about your responsibilities act as if you've never heard of her. Walk away from life as if you're in a cliche action film and an explosion just happened behind you but you aren't looking back because you're super cool. That explosion is your life. Also you're walking in slow motion. Double the cool.
6. Don't come out of your house for the entire month.
Board up your doors and windows and stay locked inside your house for the entire 31 days. Refuse any visitors and cut off any contact with the outside world. You're basically becoming a hermit and that includes the beard. If you can't grow one buy one. It completes the aesthetic. Once May is over emerge as a new butterfly and act as if May never even happened in the first place.
7. Cry some more.
You didn't get all of your tears out in the first place. Spontaneously burst into tears at super inconvenient times and just let it out. Start a cry list and record when and why you're crying. Make it a goal to cry every day of the month. C'mon. You can do it.
Please consider some of these ways when thinking of how to get through this month. May we all get through it together (Get it? May we get through it? Ahaha!)
