As women, we are constantly being told how we should, act, talk, what we should wear, how we should wear it. But enough is enough, I'm tired of my mind and my body being a constant war zone. If you feel the same way here are some tips BIG or little, this is for all girls. We have to stop not for anyone's sake, but for our own.
1. Belittling ourselves.
I can’t even tell you how many times I have called myself fat as a descriptive word. Like yes, I have fat, but I am not fat. In fact, I am a loving, funny, sometimes sarcastic human and I just happen to have a little fat in my belly and some cellulite, but I mean, that doesn’t determine my character. I have found that when I talk to other big girls, they constantly belittle themselves, they don’t think that they can be beautiful and big, which is far from accurate. We need to stop letting a number on a scale determine our worth.
2. Stop trying to shrink yourself.
Let me be clear, I am loud. Whenever I play that adjective game I say, “I am loud Laura,” because I am. I am loud as all hell; I laugh loud, I talk loud, I even whisper loud. But, I find that I sometimes try to make myself seem smaller, whether it’s with my voice, not talking or trying to make other people comfortable. But listen, I’m a big girl with a loud voice, I am meant to be seen, heard and loved. But for a long time, I struggled with this. I mean hello, big and loud come on, I don’t want to be that girl, but I am, and it is OK to be that girl. People will remember it, and many will applaud your boldness.
3. Telling yourself you can’t wear this or that.
Let me be crystal clear when I say this. What loud Laura wears is none of your damn business. Here, let me say this again for the people in the back, what a person chooses to put on their body is nobody's business. If it’s one thing I have come to learn is people are going to talk regardless, whether it’s good or bad, so you might as well wear the shorts with your cellulite and rock the crop top with the kimono. While they talk, I’ll just be over here listening to Beyoncé and being fabulous. Besides, I can’t pay any bills with your opinion so you know what you can do with it.
4. Being afraid to eat in public….
This is one of the hardest things I had to do. For the longest -- and I mean longest -- time, I hated eating in public because I didn’t want people talking about me. But then, I realized they aren’t paying attention to me, they are probably just as hungry as I am and if they're talking about me, they’re wondering why I’m not eating at the food court. No, but really, don’t deprive yourself of food because you’re afraid of what people will say. Eat the burger or the pizza. If you want a salad eat it. But don’t feel forced to do it. I mean after all a girl's got to eat.
5. Explaining your decisions.
This isn’t just big girls; this is all girls. I don’t owe anyone anything. You can ask the “friends” I no longer talk to. If you want to wear something, wear it. If you want to eat something, eat it. If you want to cut someone off, cut them off. We are far too old to be babysitting and trying to explain to people what they are doing wrong. And last time I checked, I was grown; the only person I owe any explanation to is my mother (she would kill me if I didn’t write that). But seriously, your first priority is to yourself; no one else is going to take better care of you than yourself. Plus, you only get one you so you need to take care of you.
6. Limiting yourself...
...due to your size. Let me tell you something, I am 5’9, and for far too long, I deprived myself of the right to wear heels because I didn’t want to intimidate anyone. Screw all that, I am an Amazonian goddess, and in five-inch heels, I dominate the world. Tall, big and loud, I know, like the Statue of Liberty, I am meant to be seen. But this was something that took a really long time to realize. I still know people my height or above who don’t wear heels, and I know some who refuse to take them off. It’s all about self-esteem and being able to say, "I can wear this and I will." Whether its heels, a new job, even changing your major, when you break the barriers of the limits you set for yourself you will be unstoppable.
7. Letting what other people say about you affect your self-esteem.
Say this with me: “I am beautiful, and I am so full of life and love, no one will ever be able to fully dive into the depths that is me. And that’s OK.” You want to know how many times I’ve been called a "fat b***h?" Just know if I had a dime for every time, I’d actually be a billionaire, but it no longer has the effect on me that it once did. It once made me cry and hate myself. Now, I just laugh and go, “Yeah, I know.” Why? Because this work in progress has realized that I am more than meets the eye. I am a galaxy of cells, perfectly intertwined together to create a person who believes in love, magic and soul. Nothing anyone says can take that away from me, or from you. Just remember you are magic, baby girl.
